IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many universitiy students want to learn about different subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others feel it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for their qualification. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#universitiy #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
Universities offer a lot of different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
lessens
Correct your spelling
lessons
show examples
 and seminars for their
students
 not only their professional fields.
However
, many
students
thisk
Correct your spelling
think
 that qualification is more vital in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university life. I believe that a wide variety of
lectures
 broaden their horizons and enhance their intellectual skills. One reason why I reckon that
uviversity
Correct your spelling
university
students
 are interested in only professional improvements would be that being a
succesfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 person
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a field needs
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
endevour
Correct your spelling
endeavour
 and passion and they want to spend all their energy
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their branch.
For example
, a medical
student
 usually
attend
Change the verb form
attends
show examples
 medical-related
lectures
 in the education period. Their
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most essential target is the cure of people's
psychology
Replace the word
psychological
show examples
 and medical problems.
Thus
, some professional fields turn to be a
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 unavoidably and
then
 people just give all their attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
.
On the other hand
, I think that taking several types of
lectures
 and
seminers
Correct your spelling
seminars
creat
Correct your spelling
creates
show examples
 a huge impact for intellectual background.
For instance
, an
achitecture
Correct your spelling
architecture
student
 always takes lessons not only main
subjects
 but
also
different
Change preposition
in different
show examples
disiplines
Correct your spelling
disciplines
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 art history, psychology, sociology, etc. Despite being an architecture
student
,
this
 field is directly linked to all other
branchs
Correct your spelling
branches
.
Additionally
, these
lectures
also
 include interesting topics and fun for
students
. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
, optional
subjects
 offer interesting topics and informative
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 concerning other
brachs
Correct your spelling
branches
braches
braces
. In conclusion, other
subjects
 give
student
Add an article
the student
show examples
 different
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
 and improve their cognitive abilities.
That is
 the biggest reason why universities give some different alternative lessons to people
except
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 their main
subjects
.
Submitted by edadgn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to clearly structure your essay with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion sections to enhance readability and logical flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on the clarity of your ideas by providing more explicit topic sentences and developing paragraphs more thoroughly. Avoid vague statements and ensure that each paragraph unambiguously presents and supports a single main idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving the range and accuracy of your grammar and vocabulary as grammatical errors can hinder the coherence of the essay.
Task Achievement
You should address all parts of the task more equally and ensure that your opinion is clear throughout the essay. Make sure to discuss both views presented in the question before providing your own opinion.
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. This will also demonstrate your ability to use your knowledge and experiences in your writing, which is a key component of task response.
Task Achievement
Avoid repetition of ideas, and instead, expand on them with detailed explanation or example. This will show your ability to discuss a topic fully and contribute to a higher task achievement score.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: