IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
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Although
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 some
people
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 think that we should not
change
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 things which affect our
lives
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 badly
such
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 as working in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 job that we don’t like or
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
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 of money, others believe that we should
change
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 and improve these
conditions
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of the argument and explain why we should
change
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 situations
Change preposition
in that
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 we do not want to live. On the
one
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 hand, some
people
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 have
general
Add an article
a general
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 belief about to live with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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harsh
conditions
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 will bring success and help to maintain achievements. If
people
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 live and manage hard
conditions
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, they can easily organise their
lives
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 when become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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wealthy person.
Furthermore
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, they can help
people
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 who
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lives
Change the verb form
live
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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bad situations when they
will
Verb problem
apply
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become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rich because they already know the feeling of being poor.
In addition
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 to that, living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unwanted
conditions
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 may trigger different side of the personality
such
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 as being more disciplined and hardworking
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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also
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 bring success.
On the other hand
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, others think that we should take risks and improve our
life
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’s
conditions
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 immediately,
otherwise
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 we can stuck in the same
life
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 until die.
Also
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, coping with the
stressfull
Correct your spelling
stressful
 environment for a long time may bring
stress related
Add a hyphen
stress-related
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 illnesses
such
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 as anxiety and cancer.
Furthermore
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, we are only the
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have
an
Change the article
the
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 ability to bring
change
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 to our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 and no
one
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 else will do something for us.
Moreover
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, they believe that we do not need to face harsh
conditions
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 to understand other’s
lives
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 and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 a good person enough reason for help to others. In conclusion, both sides of the argument have their own merit. In my opinion, we should improve our
life
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from
Change preposition
in
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 every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
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. If we are working in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 job that we do not like, we should not spend even more than
one
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 day and seek for the better
one
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 because we have a limited time in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
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 and we will not come to the earth to live again. That’s why we should always do things that feel great.
Submitted by airbender on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure logical sequence and paragraphing. Ideas should flow naturally from one to the next without abrupt shifts. Make use of cohesive devices appropriately without over-reliance.
Task Achievement
Your introduction and conclusion should clearly address the task prompt, providing a clear position that is sustained throughout the response.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with specific, relevant examples. Avoid making general statements without supporting them with concrete evidence or illustration.
Coherence & Cohesion
Avoid repetitive sentence structures and use a variety of complex structures to showcase language proficiency.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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