IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 think that we should not
change
Use synonyms
 things which affect our
lives
Use synonyms
 badly
such
Linking Words
 as working in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 job that we don’t like or
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of money, others believe that we should
change
Use synonyms
 and improve these
conditions
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides of the argument and explain why we should
change
Use synonyms
 situations
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 we do not want to live. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 have
general
Add an article
a general
show examples
 belief about to live with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harsh
conditions
Use synonyms
 will bring success and help to maintain achievements. If
people
Use synonyms
 live and manage hard
conditions
Use synonyms
, they can easily organise their
lives
Use synonyms
 when become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wealthy person.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they can help
people
Use synonyms
 who
Use synonyms
lives
Change the verb form
live
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad situations when they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rich because they already know the feeling of being poor.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unwanted
conditions
Use synonyms
 may trigger different side of the personality
such
Linking Words
 as being more disciplined and hardworking
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
also
Linking Words
 bring success.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others think that we should take risks and improve our
life
Use synonyms
’s
conditions
Use synonyms
 immediately,
otherwise
Linking Words
 we can stuck in the same
life
Use synonyms
 until die.
Also
Linking Words
, coping with the
stressfull
Correct your spelling
stressful
 environment for a long time may bring
stress related
Add a hyphen
stress-related
show examples
 illnesses
such
Linking Words
 as anxiety and cancer.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, we are only the
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have
an
Change the article
the
show examples
 ability to bring
change
Use synonyms
 to our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and no
one
Use synonyms
 else will do something for us.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they believe that we do not need to face harsh
conditions
Use synonyms
 to understand other’s
lives
Use synonyms
 and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 a good person enough reason for help to others. In conclusion, both sides of the argument have their own merit. In my opinion, we should improve our
life
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
. If we are working in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 job that we do not like, we should not spend even more than
one
Use synonyms
 day and seek for the better
one
Use synonyms
 because we have a limited time in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 and we will not come to the earth to live again. That’s why we should always do things that feel great.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure logical sequence and paragraphing. Ideas should flow naturally from one to the next without abrupt shifts. Make use of cohesive devices appropriately without over-reliance.
Task Achievement
Your introduction and conclusion should clearly address the task prompt, providing a clear position that is sustained throughout the response.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with specific, relevant examples. Avoid making general statements without supporting them with concrete evidence or illustration.
Coherence & Cohesion
Avoid repetitive sentence structures and use a variety of complex structures to showcase language proficiency.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
What to do next:
Look at other essays: