IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

All education and healthcare should be funded by the government and free for everyone do you agree or disagree with this opinion

In today’s modern world, it is widely believed that medical services
as well as
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education
Use synonyms
 must be free for the community.
While
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 critics argue that it may not be a sustainable and effective approach for the state’s funding.From my point of view,
education
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 should be free for everyone.
This
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 improve authorities' economic growth. On the one hand,the authorities should provide free medical treatments and
education
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 for citizens.
This
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 could lead to an improved literacy rate.Regarding healthcare,it is essential to be funded in order to save the public from some harmful diseases
such
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 as heart attack and high blood pressure.
For example
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, Germany operates a mixed healthcare system where basic services are covered by the government, but individuals can
also
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 purchase private insurance for
further
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 or more specialised care.
Furthermore
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,
education
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also
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 plays a vital role in countries developments.As an example for
this
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, in Finland
education
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 is free at all levels,including university,which allows students from low-income families to persue high
education
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 without financial pressure.
Consequently
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,Finland consistently ranks among the top countries in global
education
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 systems.
On the other hand
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,if the states do not follow
this
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 system, low-income families or blue-collar bu workers can not afford to learn or access healthcare.
This
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 impact not only on citizens' personal improvement but
also
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 on governments' economic growth.When talented young learners do not continue their higher
education
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, they can not work in white-collar jobs.
As a result
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,
this
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 increses number of mortality and illiteracy rates.
For instance
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,in some countries like Uzbekistan ,
education
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 require high income , and most people do not study in universities. In conclusion,
according to
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 these reasons, I strongly believe that medical and learning institutions should be funded by the government.

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task response
Make your main opinion fully clear from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Answer all parts of the question in a direct way. You talk more about education than healthcare, so the balance is not strong.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some points are short, so the reader may not fully see why you think this.
task response
Use examples that match your main idea more closely. Some examples are good, but some need clearer links.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas more carefully. One paragraph should have one main idea with clear support.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Sometimes they are helpful, but sometimes the sentence feels hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. A few ideas jump too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence supports the topic sentence of the paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You give a clear topic in the introduction and you have a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing, which helps the reader follow your essay.
task response
You include examples from real countries, which helps support your ideas.
task response
You show a clear position in the conclusion.
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