Serious violent crimes among people who are under-18 are becoming more common. Some people think that children who commit serious crimes should be treated like adults, while others would say that they should be rehabilitated. Disucss both these views and give your own opinion.
Heinous
crimes
are increasing these days among the youth. While a
section of Correct word choice
A
society
believes these children
must be punished similarly
to adults as they pose a serious threat to society
. Others are of the view that they should be sent to rehabilitation centres. I believe later is the better option as these youngsters are not aware of their wrongdoings.
On the one hand, minors should be sent to jail because of the nature of the crime. As these children
have committed dangerous crimes
and
it is a possibility they will redo the same. Correct word choice
apply
Hence
, there is always a danger to the society
. Putting them behind bars will reduce the threat to the larger section. Apart from that, if they stay in jail they will not have the resources such
as weapons to kill someone, Correct word choice
and keeping
keeping
everyone safe.Wrong verb form
keep
For example
, the crime rate has significantly reduced in Europe as the authorities have taken stringent actions to curb violent activities amongst minors, which contributed to 15% of the total criminal activities
On the other hand
, some people opine these teenagers should be treated in child welfare centres because their mind is not fully developed yet. They are not even aware of the intensity of the situation and have done such
crimes
without thinking much. Moreover
, it does not mean they have a criminal mind and they can become a responsible citizen in the future if they get the right environment. I completely agree with them because, these children
are the future of our society
, and nurturing them in a good environment and educating them with social values, will make them responsible citizens. For instance
, it could be seen in the developed nations, children
who once committed a violent act and were rehabilitated, have even become doctors and engineers and hence
serving their nations.
In conclusion, some people think that under-18 children
committing violent crimes
should be punished like grown-ups as society
is not safe if we are surrounded by those child criminals, others have a view these young minds are not fully developed and should be treated in rehabilitation places for their development. I agree with the idea of sending them to rehabilitation centres because sending them to welfare homes, will make their lives better and they will come back to society
as a better individual.Submitted by ankita91sh on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction includes a thesis statement that outlines your position and previews the points you will discuss. Ending with a clear opinion strengthens the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices (linking words or phrases) appropriately to connect ideas and paragraphs. Over- or under-use can impact readability.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points fully by providing specific and relevant examples or explanations. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea that is expanded upon.
task achievement
Respond to all parts of the task. Make sure you discuss both views and give your own opinion with relevant explanations and examples.
task achievement
Express your ideas clearly, making sure each paragraph has one clear main idea and that the essay progresses logically from introduction to conclusion.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to back up your points. Ensure the examples are specific and support the ideas you are presenting.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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