In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?
Child labour has significantly increased in developing countries over the
last
few years. Due to
the high inflation, more people
are susceptible to send
their Wrong verb form
sending
children
to paid activities. Some people
argue that children
involvement in Change noun form
children's
work
could lead to severe problems. Others state that paid
world could help enormously in developing Correct article usage
the paid
skills
, confidence and other essentials
traits of professional lives. I believe that Change the noun form
essential
children
involvement in Change noun form
children's
work
has dire consequences.
It is often seen that children
are more opted towards bad activities, those start working in their childhood. They have to interact with various types of peoples
in order to perform their daily Fix the agreement mistake
people
job
. These Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
people
can take advantage of their innocence by involving them in suspicious activities. Children
have been rewarded against that, this
increases their hunger for money and thus
they become criminals.
However
paid Add a comma
However,
work
plays a pivotal role in improving living
conditions of Correct article usage
the living
peoples
. Fix the agreement mistake
people
Children
start doing work
in order to support their families financially. In recent years, life has become very difficult due to
inflation. That is
why the majority of poor people
indulge their children
in paid work
. Furthermore
, it could help immensely in their future. Learning skills
open a new horizon of opportunities. In addition
to this
, individuals learn other essential skills
such
as teamwork, handling pressure situation
and leadership. These Fix the agreement mistake
situations
skills
could be beneficial for their future job.
It is not unusual that
many Correct word choice
for
children
are dropped
out Wrong verb form
drop
from
Change preposition
of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
schools
because of their need to Fix the agreement mistake
school
work
and earn. The jobs done by children
are often risky and unsuitable for health. The owners often offer a fewer
wage to child Correct word choice
lower
labours
and behave badly with them. Correct your spelling
labourers
This
has a very detrimental effect on children
’s psychology.
In conclusion, I believe that the disadvantages if
paid Correct your spelling
of
work
overweighs
its advantages. The government should take necessary measures to eradicate Verb problem
outweigh
this
sin from society; youth are the future of any country and should not be deprived of their basic rights.Submitted by ielts on
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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic, but the response is not fully developed. The candidate should aim to present a more comprehensive discussion of both sides of the argument with a clearer personal position supported by relevant examples and a better articulated conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear and logical progression of ideas. The writer should improve the use of cohesive devices and paragraphing to strengthen the logical flow. Clearer topic sentences and better-developed paragraphs would enhance coherence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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