IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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As time went by, the world developed and scientists discovered new things and
also
 attached to new ways in
order
 to change the world.
Moreover
, some individuals claim that the most crucial part of the discovery should be useful for human lives. I completely agree with
this
 perspective for some reasons.
To begin
, with the development of technology, machines
such
 as cars, and vehicles were alternative animals to transfer
people
, loads and etc.
Although
this
 new technology can help
people
 to make
easy
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
everything for
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
, it can produce hazardous gases which are harmful to humans and
also
 the environment.
For example
, when an old man who suffers
respiratory
Change preposition
from respiratory
show examples
 disease walks on a street in a crowded city that has lots of factories and trucks cause increases his problems with breathing polluted air.
As a result
, researchers should make new methods to prevent
this
 disaster and they have to focus on
people
's lives conditions because scientists should improve life expectancy with their science.
In addition
, all of us know that one of the most powerful creatures in the world is humans who can modify the globe with their thoughts.
Also
, nowadays, pupils would like to have a long lifetime in
order
 to experience everything and stay healthy with their relatives.
Furthermore
, it is a significant aim for each scientist to find the best way to improve
people
's lives.
For example
, researchers should find a way to eliminate any microorganisms in
order
 to decrease diseases.
To sum up
, creating a vaccine to destroy microbes can improve
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 health. In conclusion, scientists should notice individuals in
order
 to maintain generations for the future,
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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure to provide a clear introduction and conclusion to your essay as they are crucial in structuring your argument effectively. Your introduction should clearly state your stance regarding the topic, and the conclusion should effectively summarise the points discussed without introducing new ideas.
Logical Structure
Work on creating a more logical flow between your ideas. Use transitional phrases and connective words to help guide the reader through your argument with clarity
Support & Examples
Support your main points with specific, relevant examples. Examples provided are somewhat generic. Using detailed and concrete examples will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
Task Response
Address the task directly and make sure to respond to the prompt fully. Ensure that each paragraph contributes to your position on the statement and that your stance is consistently clear throughout the essay.
Idea Development
Develop your ideas more thoroughly. While you have made attempts to discuss the topic, there is room for a deeper analysis and clearer expression of your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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