IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that internet is used excessively by all. Do you agree this has bad effect on children

#people #internet #effect #children
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It is believed by many individuals that nowadays the
usage
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 is increased by everyone which can influence
children
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 badly. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
Linking Words
due
Change preposition
for
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 to following reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 dependency of parents on
Use synonyms
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their
children
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's lives. To explain, most of the working parents can be seen attending meetings online and doing their work
while
Linking Words
 sitting on laptops or
either
Correct word choice
apply
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chatting with their friends and
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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 less time with their young ones.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they start feeling lonely and depressed as they don't have anyone to play
or
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with or
show examples
 talk to
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, high
usage
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 of
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 can create various
health
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 issues in
children
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, using mobile phones for playing video games for
longer
Add an article
a longer
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 time may weaken their eyesight and
longer
Rephrase
apply
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sitting
while
Linking Words
 watching
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 can lead to
health
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 problems like obesity.
Additionally
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, our ancestors
says
Change the verb form
say
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 that
children
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learns
Change the verb form
learn
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 from what they see and
listens
Correct subject-verb agreement
listen
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, as
Change preposition
to, as
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 there is a lot of negative content on social media which can influence
children
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's mental
health
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 and
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
create issues like anxiety.
Lastly
Linking Words
, excessive web
usage
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 by all age groups is snatching
the
Correct article usage
apply
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childhood from young
children
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. To explain, as people of all age groups are busy with their mobile phones
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
children
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 are left with no one to play with them.
To conclude
Linking Words
, increased web
usage
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 by all age groups
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 many disadvantages to
children
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especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 issues.
Submitted by tanveerkaur6703 on

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Task Achievement
Provide a well-developed response to the question with adequately extended and supported ideas. Each paragraph should contain a clear main idea and be developed with specific examples and explanations.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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