IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that internet is used excessively by all. Do you agree this has bad effect on children

#people #internet #effect #children
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It is believed by many individuals that nowadays the
usage
 of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 is increased by everyone which can influence
children
 badly. I completely agree with
this
 statement
due
Change preposition
for
show examples
 to following reasons.
To begin
 with,
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 dependency of parents on
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their
children
's lives. To explain, most of the working parents can be seen attending meetings online and doing their work
while
 sitting on laptops or
either
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
chatting with their friends and
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 less time with their young ones.
Consequently
, they start feeling lonely and depressed as they don't have anyone to play
or
Change preposition
with or
show examples
 talk to
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Secondly
, high
usage
 of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 can create various
health
 issues in
children
.
For instance
, using mobile phones for playing video games for
longer
Add an article
a longer
show examples
 time may weaken their eyesight and
longer
Rephrase
apply
show examples
sitting
while
 watching
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 can lead to
health
 problems like obesity.
Additionally
, our ancestors
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 that
children
learns
Change the verb form
learn
show examples
 from what they see and
listens
Correct subject-verb agreement
listen
show examples
, as
Change preposition
to, as
show examples
 there is a lot of negative content on social media which can influence
children
's mental
health
 and
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
create issues like anxiety.
Lastly
, excessive web
usage
 by all age groups is snatching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood from young
children
. To explain, as people of all age groups are busy with their mobile phones
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
children
 are left with no one to play with them.
To conclude
, increased web
usage
 by all age groups
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 many disadvantages to
children
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
health
 issues.
Submitted by tanveerkaur6703 on

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Task Achievement
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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