IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today's world?

In certain nations, secondary schools focus on
offer
Change the form of the verb
offering
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 general
education
Use synonyms
 through whole subjects. In others, students pay attention to specific topics connected to some career paths. In modern days, I prefer to
focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
on certain topics, which I will explore in the following essay. Decades ago, most countries
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 still in development
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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,
therefore
Linking Words
, the economic structure is mainly based on agriculture and traditional industries. In past days, general
education
Use synonyms
 can fit in various positions,
such
Linking Words
 as basic
paper work
Correct your spelling
paperwork
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. As long as citizens studied general
education
Use synonyms
, they could find a stable job for themselves.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many families cannot afford the economic burdens
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 children's
further
Linking Words
 study.
For instance
Linking Words
, my grandparents
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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started working
in
Change preposition
at
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very
Correct article usage
a very
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 young age, they
give
Wrong verb form
gave
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 up
Use synonyms
education
Correct pronoun usage
their education
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 because of expensive tuition.
Although
Linking Words
 they only have basic knowledge
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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they
earns
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earn
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a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
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 of money because of hard
working
Replace the word
work
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. Nowadays,
individuals have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 professional skills is imperative ,since artificial intelligence
becomes
Wrong verb form
is becoming
show examples
 more and more powerful. The holistic approach is to
learned
Change the verb
learn
show examples
 specific knowledge and have critical thinking.
For example
Linking Words
, TESLA, GOOGLE and APPLE cut down their
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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recent
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in recent
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 days, the major reason is that they cannot afford abundant human salaries anymore since machine learning provides cheap and efficient
labor
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labour
show examples
. Those employees who have proficient skills can challenge
such
Linking Words
 difficult
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
. In conclusion, the change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 economic structure provides different opportunities for residents. I believe
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
 on particular subjects brings more benefits.

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task achievement
Although the essay addresses the topic, there are areas that could be improved for better clarity and completeness. Try to refine your argumentation and give a balanced view. Presenting counterarguments before concluding your preference would enhance the essay's comprehensiveness.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the fluidity between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a central idea that ties back to the overall argument. Using transition words effectively can assist in this.
language usage
Check for grammatical errors and consistency in tense usage. Additionally, using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures will aid in better expression of ideas.
task achievement
The examples provided in the essay, such as the reference to companies like TESLA, GOOGLE, and APPLE, are relevant and add weight to the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively encapsulate the main argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • versatility
  • adaptability
  • well-rounded
  • knowledge base
  • critical thinking
  • informed decisions
  • specialized fields
  • career-focused
  • deeper understanding
  • skillset
  • integration
  • balanced education model
  • exposure
  • secondary education
  • professional life
What to do next:
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