In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today's world?
In certain nations, secondary schools focus on
offer
general Change the form of the verb
offering
education
through whole subjects. In others, students pay attention to specific topics connected to some career paths. In modern days, I prefer to focusing
on certain topics, which I will explore in the following essay.
Decades ago, most countries Wrong verb form
focus
are
still in development Wrong verb form
were
condition
, Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
therefore
, the economic structure is mainly based on agriculture and traditional industries. In past days, general education
can fit in various positions, such
as basic paper work
. As long as citizens studied general Correct your spelling
paperwork
education
, they could find a stable job for themselves. Moreover
, many families cannot afford the economic burdens for
children's Change preposition
of
further
study. For instance
, my grandparents had
started working Unnecessary verb
apply
in
Change preposition
at
very
young age, they Correct article usage
a very
give
up Wrong verb form
gave
education
because of expensive tuition. Correct pronoun usage
their education
Although
they only have basic knowledge but
they Remove the conjunction
apply
earns
Change the verb form
earn
a lots
of money because of hard Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
working
.
Nowadays, Replace the word
work
individuals have
professional skills is imperative ,since artificial intelligence Wrong verb form
having
becomes
more and more powerful. The holistic approach is to Wrong verb form
is becoming
learned
specific knowledge and have critical thinking. Change the verb
learn
For example
, TESLA, GOOGLE and APPLE cut down their staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
recent
days, the major reason is that they cannot afford abundant human salaries anymore since machine learning provides cheap and efficient Change preposition
in recent
labor
. Those employees who have proficient skills can challenge Change the spelling
labour
such
difficult situation
.
In conclusion, the change Fix the agreement mistake
situations
of
economic structure provides different opportunities for residents. I believe Change preposition
in
focus
on particular subjects brings more benefits.Wrong verb form
focusing
Submitted by yushin20020625 on
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task achievement
Although the essay addresses the topic, there are areas that could be improved for better clarity and completeness. Try to refine your argumentation and give a balanced view. Presenting counterarguments before concluding your preference would enhance the essay's comprehensiveness.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the fluidity between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a central idea that ties back to the overall argument. Using transition words effectively can assist in this.
language usage
Check for grammatical errors and consistency in tense usage. Additionally, using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures will aid in better expression of ideas.
task achievement
The examples provided in the essay, such as the reference to companies like TESLA, GOOGLE, and APPLE, are relevant and add weight to the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively encapsulate the main argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.