Some people think that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development, while others think that other factors such as television, friend, music have the biggest effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
People
hold differing views about key factors which act as role models to the children’s future prospective. Some people
including myself consider immediate family to play an irreplaceable role to
their offspring Change preposition
in
while
others believe that surrounding elements such
as friendships and media appear to be even more effective.
On the one hand, a parent-child friendship is one of the first things that an infant experience
at their earliest stage which not only highlights the link between the premier caregivers and their young but Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
also
promote
a secure attachment and a healthy emotional development. It is true that children are parent’s reflection, they observe their guardians, imitate them and pick up their habits Change the verb form
promotes
as well as
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
due to
this
, parents should be sensitively cautious in their manners if they want to set good examples for their adolescents. It is therefore
easy to understand why a number of people
hold this
side in this
debate.
On the other hand
, television with a broad coverage of datas
either efficient or disruptive can amazingly draw little ones’ attention in the way that they spend seven hours on average which is far more than amount of the quality time they communicate with their parents which is concerning. Correct your spelling
data
However
, this
could easily be regulated by their foster parents. Moreover
, some friendships specially
those with a very close bond between the individuals involved leave significant marks on the main Replace the word
especially
characterestics
of one’s personality. Correct your spelling
characteristics
In addition
, it is claimed that particular musics tend to be inspiring to minors and manipulate their brains under specific circumstances, while
this
can be true it is not as important as a parent’s role in children’s life
.
In conclusion. I can understand why some Fix the agreement mistake
lives
people
convey the impression of Contributing elements with reasonable explanations, but it seems to me that first caregivers remain to be
the most determinant feature in children's future.Verb problem
apply
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task achievement
Make sure to balance the discussion by elaborating more on both views and supporting them with relevant specific examples. This will enhance the depth of your arguments and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit too complex and could be simplified for clarity. Ensuring that each sentence clearly conveys a single idea can help improve understanding and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammar and punctuation errors to improve the overall quality of the writing. This includes things like ensuring proper use of articles ('a', 'an', 'the') and correct pluralization.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and sets the stage for the discussion, which is important for reader understanding.
task achievement
You have effectively highlighted the importance of both family and external factors in a child's development, showing a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion provides a clear statement of your opinion, rounded off the essay nicely.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.