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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. Why has this happened? What can be done to deal with this?

#countries #proportion #acts #teenagers
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In a number of countries, there is an increase in the percentage of juvenile crimes. In my opinion,there are several reasons behind
this
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 situation, and some practical solutions should be implemented to
such
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 a problem. The growth in youth
crimes
Change the noun form
crime
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 rate is attributed to various reasons.
To begin
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 with, teenagers who lack the care of their
parents
Use synonyms
 can become potential criminals. During the period of puberty,
parents
Use synonyms
 need to pay more attention to their
children
Use synonyms
 because teenagers do not have
awareness
Correct article usage
an awareness
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 of the good and bad aspects of a specific problem at
this
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 stage;
however
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, in modern society, many
parents
Use synonyms
 are stuck in the hustle and bustle of work and do not have enough time to care their
children
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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, young people are at risk of being affected by negative things when they accidentally come into contact with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social evils
such
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 as drug smuggling or murder.
In addition
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, surroundings have a huge effect on the juvenile. If adolescents live in a violent environment or experience frequent domestic violence as
children
Use synonyms
, they are likely to suffer from some psychological disorders. These disorders contribute significantly to their criminal path. Fortunately, there are some measures that can be taken by both
parents
Use synonyms
 and the government to solve
this
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 tendency.
Firstly
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,
parents
Use synonyms
 should spend a lot of time with their
children
Use synonyms
 to talk to them like friends. By talking with teens,
parents
Use synonyms
 can gain a deeper understanding of what their child really needs and empathize with their feelings during a rebellious period. At the same time, they can offer many helpful tips to guide the juvenile into becoming a good citizen. In terms of government, the situation of domestic violence needs to be thoroughly solved with severe punishments to prevent the psychological damage of the victims, especially teenagers. In conclusion,the underlying reasons for the juvenile rate’s growth are varied. There are various methods available that can be carried out by not only the government but
also
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parents
Use synonyms
 to tackle
this
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 problem.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion score, ensure that your essay is logically structured by clearly outlining your main points and linking them together effectively. Transition words and phrases should be used appropriately to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points by supporting them with more detailed examples and explanations. This will help to strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure that you fully address all parts of the prompt. Expand on your ideas to provide a complete response. Introduce a wider variety of specific examples that are directly relevant to your points.
task achievement
Make sure that your ideas are clearly expressed and comprehensive, leaving no room for ambiguity or misunderstanding. You want to aim for clarity and depth in your discussion of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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