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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.

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In some countries, teenagers are advised to have a
year
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gap
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 for working or
traveling
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travelling
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 before starting university
studies
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.
This
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 trend would create certain benefits but there will
also
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 be drawbacks. On the one hand, using a
gap
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year
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 to work and travel would bring about several advantages. One evident strength is that it would help them have more experience to support their
studies
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.
In other words
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, if they find an appropriate job with their major, they will have more
time
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 to try and gain experience. It means that they have
time
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 to prepare for their essential skills,
such
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 as communication and financial management. Another reason is that it would help them have
time
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 to prepare financially.
To study
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Studying
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 at university requires a large amount of money. If they spend all of their
time
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 working, they can earn some money for college. Another way, they can use
this
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time
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 for
finding
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find
show examples
 scholarships that can help make their tuition more adorable.
On the other hand
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, there are some obvious disadvantages to the
gap
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year
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 trend. The most negative side of a
gap
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year
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 is wasting
time
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. When students start a
year
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gap
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 without any clear plan, they easily get discouraged because they are not compelled to follow any certain schedule.
Thus
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, they may become lazy and not want to do anything during their
gap
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year
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, which leads to a lot of downtime watching TV and playing games. An additional drawback of
this
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 trend is that students may lose their motivation
in
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to study
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studies
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 after a
gap
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year
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. They are likely to be away from academic
studies
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 for so long that they may forget a few lessons and find it difficult to catch up with university courses.
As a result
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, they are no longer interested in studying. In conclusion, having a
gap
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year
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 helps students have a good background for their
studies
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 and they can prepare full funds before starting college. But it wastes their
time
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 and makes them lose motivation to study. I think if they choose to take a
year
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, they should create a clear plan
what
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for what
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 they should do within a
year
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 to avoid wasting
time
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, money and effort

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Task Response
In terms of task response, it's important to ensure that both the advantages and disadvantages are explored in a balanced manner. You have provided a clear response to the prompt, but the examples could be more specific and detailed to strengthen your argument. Aim to include more diverse and detailed examples that directly relate to the points discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have structured the essay well with a clear introduction and conclusion. Your main points are present, but occasionally the transitions between them can be abrupt, affecting the essay's flow. To enhance coherence, try to use cohesive devices and transition words that smoothly connect your ideas and paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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