Many famous sports players advertise sports products. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
Some well-known athletes are promoting
products
related to sports. Although
watching these contents
which contain advertisements could lead people
to impulsively buy unnecessary things, this
essay believes that their contents
provide education to the public which outweigh
the negative impacts.
On the one hand, sports influencers often create social media posts about some physical health Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
products
which attract peoples’ interest to purchase. These famous athletes will promote the benefits when taking or using these commercial products
, and their followers will deliberately want to follow his
style without carefully Correct pronoun usage
their
attune
to their actual needs. In their Wrong verb form
attuning
contents
, they provide links to commercial sites to purchase the items, Fix the agreement mistake
content
hence
making it easier for people
to impulsively check out the products
. For example
, Mega, a national volleyball athlete, posts about the multivitamins she takes to maintain her energy in
her Instagram. The post gains a bunch of comments from her fans and Change preposition
on
saying
they want to try it themselves.
Wrong verb form
says
On the other hand
, when creating content
for the public, sports influencers usually mask the ads within their educational content
. Their contents
typically consist of tips and raising awareness of some physical exercise and Fix the agreement mistake
content
at the end
of the video they will give recommendations and reviews about the Fix the agreement mistake
sports
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
products
. For instance
, Mega creates content
about how to do simple exercises every morning before going to work using a non slippery
mat at home. Add a hyphen
non-slippery
This
kind of content
brings benefits to people
who want to be healthy but they do not have much time to go to the gym. This
essay thinks that even though she advertises a mat, the overall
message of how simple to do
exercise serves a greater health benefit to Unnecessary verb
apply
people
.
In conclusion, even though advertising products
through influencer
will induce peoples’ desire Fix the agreement mistake
influencers
in buying
unimportant things, Change preposition
to buy
this
essay believes that through these contents
, they share and drive peoples’ motivation by demonstrating light and easy to follow
Add a hyphen
easy-to-follow
exercise
.Fix the agreement mistake
exercises
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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the question posed; however, Task Achievement could be improved by fully developing your argument, presenting a clearer comparison between the advantages and disadvantages in terms of their significance and impact. Provide a more balanced discussion and a more substantial conclusion that reflects on the weight of both sides.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a general logical structure but could benefit from clearer transitions and better signposting of your main points. Aim to have a more obvious progression of ideas throughout the essay by using cohesive devices effectively. Additionally, try to have a clearer thematic link between the introduction and the conclusion.
Supported Main Points
Each paragraph should have one clear main idea supported by specific examples and explanations. Your paragraphs currently start with relevant main points, but the supporting sentences and examples sometimes stray from the initial focus. Ensure that all provided examples directly illustrate the discussed advantage or disadvantage.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?