IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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In our developed world, the majority of
people
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 claim that the elderly generation creates
problems
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 for authorities,
while
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 others think that the ageing
population
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 should be beneficial for the public. Taking into account the contribution they made and
impact
Correct article usage
the impact
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 of their stimulation on the youngsters, I hold the view that the ageing
population
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 brings more good than harm. First of all, the influence on the youth, both tangible and intangible, is an evident benefit for society.
Moreover
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, experience and knowledge may be passed from old
people
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 to young
people
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 directly, ensuring there is no scientific and technological gap between generations.
For instance
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, the youth might easily obtain information about a particular field merely by asking for assistance from elderly
people
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.
In addition
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, encouraging the old once tackle social
problems
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 would result in their welfare when they retire.
In other words
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, they may struggle to solve
problems
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 related to their field in order to enjoy wealth in the years of their retirement.
Secondly
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, some
people
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 may be concerned about the financial aid that the government provides for the ageing
population
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.
However
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, throughout their life, the elderly generation pay taxes in order to cover their financial needs during the time of their unemployment.
Furthermore
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, the rise of the ageing
population
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also
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 brings financial advantages. As an illustration, there is a range of companies that produce a variety of disease predictions
as well as
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 devices for health monitoring in order to gain a considerable amount of profit by selling them to elders.
Hence
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, elderly
people
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 should not be regarded as a burden to society since they play a major role in the economy. In conclusion, the ageing
population
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 play a significant role in both educational and financial purposes , stimulating them to dedicate themselves to solving social
problems
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 and enjoy their retirement one day. They deserve careful treatment from the whole society.

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Introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. While you have stated your position, having a clearer thesis statement would make your introduction more impactful.
Structure
Your essay must have a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. Consider using clearer topic sentences and transitions to improve the logical flow.
Argument Support
Support your main points with more relevant examples and details. While you provided some examples, they need to be explicitly connected to the argument to enhance clarity.
Idea Development
Work on the development of ideas throughout the essay. Each paragraph should have one clear main idea and every idea should be expanded with sufficient detail and reasoning.
Conclusion
Your conclusion should summarily address the question, giving a final thought that reflects the arguments made in the essay. The current conclusion could be more reflective of the discussion.
Grammar and Sentence Structure
Avoid minor grammatical mistakes and work on sentence structure to improve clarity and academic tone.
Task Response
Be more precise in your argumentation. Avoid vague statements and ensure the ideas are relevant and specifically address the task.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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