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Band 4

In order to improve a country’s education system, young students should be allowed to openly criticize their teachers during class time.

#country’s #education #system #students #teachers #class #time
Many people are of the opinion that in order to improve the
education
 system,
students
 should not criticize their
teachers
. All people support the idea that the student should not criticize the
teacher
, as
this
 violates the
respect
 between the student and the
teacher
.I will give my personal opinion on that idea. Allowing open criticism in classes is not a good way to improve the schooling system.
First,
it leads to the loss of mutual
respect
 between
students
 and
teachers
.
Secondly
 ,
teachers
 are more important for the next generation and those are the vital man in society, they make society, even if they want to destroy the nation as well.
Moreover
,
students
 should follow instructions properly establish peace during lectures and give more
respect
.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
Teachers
 will be able to focus on only a few
students
 at a time.
thus
such
 issues can be addressed very well by the
teachers
.
This
 will improve the quality of our teaching. Each
teacher
 helps the child to get a good
education
 and can
also
 give a good
education
.
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 there must be
respect
 between the student and the
teacher
 only
then
 will a good
education
 be a good upbringing.Criticizing will be like insulting .
This
 will hurt the student-
teacher
 relationship,
as a result
. All in
all
Add a comma
all,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 want to say criticism is not a solution for implementing a proper
education
 system. Accepting the game of all people,
students
 should never criticize the
teacher
 it affects all circumstances.
Submitted by marina.parmenova on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure, with an introduction that adequately presents the topic and sets out the writer's position, coherent paragraphs that develop individual points, and a conclusion that summarises the main ideas or restates the writer's viewpoint. It is important to ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all ideas are relevant to the task.
task achievement
The response partially addresses the prompt. However, the essay should take a clear position on the issue and demonstrate an understanding of the topic by extending the main points with relevant examples or explanations. We recommend formulating an argument with clear supporting details and ensuring that all parts of the task are addressed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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