IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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The prevalence of high
sugar
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 content in manufactured food has raised concerns about its deleterious impact on public health.
Therefore
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, some propose an increase in the
prices
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 of sugary
products
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 as a strategy to encourage to
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 less quantities of
sugar
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.
However
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, I completely disagree with the prompt as it may not really reduce its
consumption
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.
To begin
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 with, the addictive nature of
sugar
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 makes it challenging for
people
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 to reduce and cut down on the
consumption
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 of these
products
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 even when there are higher
prices
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.
According to
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 research studies, it is difficult to resist the urge to consume sugary
products
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, because after a long period of
consumption
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, the brain function has been altered and is accustomed to the reactions generated by carbohydrate
consumption
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,
therefore
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, it is constantly begging for a dose of
sugar
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.
Consequently
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,
people
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’s bodies need to satisfy
this
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 craving, even if it means cutting back on other essential expenses.
Thus
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, a price increase may not be a strong obstacle for those who already rely on
sugar
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products
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.
Moreover
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, increasing the price of sugary
products
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 may affect low-income
people
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. As the diet of
people
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 with limited financial resources is merely based on
products
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 with a high content of
sugar
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, as
prices
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 rise,
people
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 might struggle to afford healthier alternatives or maintain their current dietary habits.
This
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 can lead to a situation where
people
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 from disadvantaged backgrounds are more likely to continue consuming sugary
products
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 despite their value increase, even generating the need to find sugary alternatives with lower nutritional quality but with affordable
prices
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, exacerbating and creating more health problems. In conclusion, increasing the price of sugary
products
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 to address the health concerns related to sugary
consumption
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 may not be the most suitable approach. The addictive nature of
sugar
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 and its potential impact on low-income individuals could limit the effectiveness of
such
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 a measure.

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction presents a clear thesis statement that fully addresses the question prompt. This should guide the reader to understand your stance from the beginning.
task achievement
Develop your main points with specific examples and evidence for each argument. Make sure every point clearly relates back to the question and reinforces your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Make effective use of cohesive devices to signpost your ideas and arguments. Transition words and phrases should flow naturally and contribute to the overall cohesion of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Organize your main points and paragraphs in a logical manner that gradually builds up your argument or narrative. Avoid abrupt shifts and ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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