Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important and too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some
people
think that it is good to share
as much information
as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information
is too important to be shared freely. In my opinion, I consider that it is better to keep the most important information
secret.
On the one hand, according to
some that
sharing as much Correct word choice
apply
information
as possible in some industry
is a good choice Fix the agreement mistake
industries
because of
some reasons. Change preposition
for
Firstly
, there are many puzzles things need to be discovered by some individuals who hope to find the answers for
their Change preposition
to
question
. Fix the agreement mistake
questions
Thus
, it is kind of humanity to let them know the answers for
their questions. Change preposition
to
Secondly
, there are many unknown
Change preposition
of unknown
information
which are
useful for some Change the verb form
is
people
specially
Replace the word
especially
universities'
students. Fix the agreement mistake
university'
Therefore
, it is better to share
this
helpful information
among them to help them in their studies and their researches
.
Fix the agreement mistake
research
On the other hand
, some people
believe that it is good to keep some information
secret which are
too important to be shared, and I agree because of some reasons. First of all, there Change the verb form
is
are
some Change the verb form
is
information
engage
Wrong verb form
engaged
under
the safety of the country, Change preposition
in
such
as,
the logical Remove the comma
apply
information
of the country. Hence
, it is unsafety to share
these dangerous
Change the determiner
this dangerous information
information
among people
. Another point is that there are many useless
Change preposition
of useless
information
which can make some arguments among people
. Thus
, it is better if these
Change the determiner
this information
information
kept
secret to avoid arguments.
Add a missing verb
is kept
To sum up
, although
some people
say that it is good to share
as much information
as possible, I consider to keep
some too important Change the verb form
keeping
information
secret. If government
saved some important Correct article usage
the government
information
, it would protect itself from war.Submitted by asomm5563 on
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coherence cohesion
To obtain a higher score, ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and follow a logical sequence. Avoid presenting disconnected ideas or examples that do not support your main points. This will help in creating a cohesive argument that is easy for the reader to follow.
task achievement
Provide relevant, specific examples to support your main points. This means illustrating your arguments with clear evidence or scenarios that are directly related to the topic. Your current examples are too general and do not strengthen your argument significantly. Focus on the quality and specificity of examples rather than the quantity.
task achievement
A complete response to the task should cover all parts of the prompt, which includes discussing both views and giving your own opinion. Make sure to address all aspects to achieve a higher score. You should also develop your ideas more comprehensively, providing clear explanations and justifications for your views and opinions.