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Band 3

Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women
Although
 many people believe that men are more
successfull
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successful
 than
woman
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women
show examples
, I disagree
this
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with this
show examples
 to a large extent for some reasons. My inclination is justified in the following paragraphs. Out of all the arguments, the strongest one to prove my opinion is equal education.
This
 is to say nowadays girls are
treatent
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treated
 as equal
as
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to
show examples
 boys in the field of education and
even
Rephrase
apply
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they are out
racing
Verb problem
outracing
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 men in some fields. A good example of
this
 is
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the owener
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owener
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owner
on
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of
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 Tim Hortons in which I am working. Her name is Jaspreet Kaur and she owns 8
resturants
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restaurants
 in Collingwood, Which is really hard for a man to do alone.
Besides
this
, it is
also
 true that it is a time
of mind
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of-mind
show examples
 game but not physically strong. The other reason to prove my point is hard work
becuse
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because
 most
of
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
woman
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women
show examples
 are
son
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so
show examples
 hard working that even
man
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men
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 are not able to do so.
In addition
, the fact that
woman
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women
show examples
 have more
intersert
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interest
 in studying rather than man do have . Most of the seats are earned by females nowadays
such
 as
judge
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judges
show examples
,
ISP
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ISPs
, and so on.
Thus
,
to conclude
 the discussion, it can be
finally
 said that
feamales
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females
 are as
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 as males are and
the
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they
show examples
 are getting enough education that a person needs to be a successful person.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay addressed the prompt, however, the overall development of your argument could be improved. Make sure to develop your main arguments more thoroughly and provide clear explanations of how they support your thesis. Focus on expanding your ideas and connecting them directly to the question.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrated some organization, but you should work on presenting your ideas in a more logical and structured manner. Use clearer topic sentences and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs could also be enhanced for better readability and flow.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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