Nowadays in many countries young people leave rural areas to study or work in cities. What are the reasons for this? Do the benefits of this outweigh the disadvantages?
These days in numerous countries, young
people
immigrate from rural areas to cities
to study or work. Immigration can bring enormous consequences for governments and society. This
essay will consider the reason for that and specify why it is a negative trend.
The main reason why young people
go to big cities
is that there are more job opportunities in cities
than Change preposition
in suburb
suburb
and there are Fix the agreement mistake
suburbs
also
various types of jobs with generous benefits and high income. In addition
, quality
of life in Correct article usage
the quality
cities
cannot be compared with rural areas due to
people
in cities
have access to perfect healthcare and public transportation. For instance
, significant numbers of people
have immigrated from suburb
of Tehran to Add an article
a suburb
the suburb
cities
and the population of Tehran is increasing day by day. Therefore
, it can be certainly said that there are many factors involved when talking about the motives for immigrating from rural areas to cities
on the part of young people
.
On the other hand
, this
is considered to be an undesirable development. Firstly
, since many people
have immigrated to cities
, the number of people
who live in cities
has rocketed and it causes
to Wrong verb form
has caused
grow
Replace the word
growth
traffic
and carbon footprint. Change preposition
in traffic
Moreover
, it would lead to destroy natural habitats such
as plastic debris and deforestation for construction. So, it is clear why it is all about negative
aspects Correct article usage
the negative
regarding
excessive immigration.
Change preposition
of
To sum up
, there are multiple reasons involved
why young Verb problem
apply
people
tend to immigrate to cities
more than expected, and it could be safely said that it is a negative development and needs to be taken more seriously.Submitted by behshad_arabzadeh on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure, as your points are not presented in a consistently logical order. Consider planning your essay with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that correspond to the argument or point you are trying to make. Each paragraph should also follow a clear progression of ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
While you have an introduction and a conclusion in your essay, they are not fully effective. Your introduction could better paraphrase the question and outline your argument. Your conclusion should summarise the main points without introducing new information. Ensure that your opening and closing statements are clear and mirror each other in content and structure.
Task Achievement
The examples you have used are relevant, but they lack development. Use specific and detailed examples to effectively support your main points. This will add depth to your arguments and assist in illustrating your points more convincingly.
Task Achievement
Your response to the task partially covers the prompt, yet it does not fully develop the comparison between the advantages and disadvantages, which is required by the question. Make sure that you address all parts of the task and provide a balanced discussion before issuing a clear opinion.
Task Achievement
While you have presented ideas related to the topic, they appear to be listed rather than explained in depth. Aim to explore each main idea thoroughly, demonstrating your understanding and ability to discuss the question critically.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?