Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this becom a positive or negative development?
It has been about 100 years since
technology
introduced
to human beings and Add a missing verb
was introduced
changes
many aspects of Wrong verb form
has changed
human's
life like Change noun form
human
relationships
. Today, this
phenomenon has changed how people
connect to eachother
or Correct your spelling
each other
have
interaction. I tend to think that these changes can be considered as a positive advancement.
Unnecessary verb
apply
To begin
with, technology
developments have exerted far-reaching effects on the ways Replace the word
technological
people
make relationships
. Firstly
, making connection
has changed from face-to-face or physical Fix the agreement mistake
connections
relationships
to virtual one
. Correct pronoun usage
ones
In other words
, people
tend to see or speak with their family members or the
Change the word
their
beloved
ones through their mobile phones rather than go Correct your spelling
loved
their
homes and see or touch them from Change preposition
to their
close
distance. Correct article usage
a close
Secondly
, advanced technologies will give people
the opportunity to telework. To explain more, there
is not necessary for employees to be present at their workplace all weekdays and Correct pronoun usage
it
thy
can carry out all the responsibilities and duties far from their offices. Correct your spelling
they
This
issue will change the relationships
between co-workers and collegues
to connect with each other through online applications and attend Correct your spelling
colleagues
the
meetings through different Correct article usage
apply
softwares
.
Changing Correct your spelling
software
in
the ways of connecting to others because of Change preposition
apply
technology
is a positive development as it can help people
to make connection
easier and faster. To put it another way, Fix the agreement mistake
connections
people
had to make a lot of effort to see a person or to speak to him/her but now thanks to the advent of technology
people
will connect and see whoever they desire just by a single touch of a button. For instance
, in the past people
wrote letters to their family members to say
about their affairs but now by messaging or Verb problem
talk
emailing
they can do that in Add a comma
emailing,
the
fraction of a second.
In conclusion, I hold the view that the development that Correct article usage
a
people
have been experiencing in the ways people
connect to eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
by
Change preposition
through
technology
is a positive progression; and people
should be prepared for the
more and more changes in the future.Correct article usage
apply
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coherence cohesion
There are logical connections between your main points, but enhancements can be made for better cohesion. Consider using a wider range of linking devices and clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and generally serve their purpose. However, it would be beneficial to include a more defined thesis statement and a summarizing conclusion that echoes back to this statement. This would provide clarity and a more persuasive argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes main points that support your argument, but would benefit from a more in-depth exploration of these points. Providing more detailed explanations and elaborating further on your examples will create a more compelling argument.
task achievement
You addressed the task, but your response lacked a full exploration of the prompt. This question asks for the positive and negative developments yet the negative aspect is not fully examined. It is imperative that both sides of the argument are explored, and this should be reflected in a balanced discussion within the essay.
task achievement
Your essay conveys a clear position and offers some comprehensive ideas. To improve, work on fully developing your ideas and supporting them with a mix of general statements and specific, detailed examples. This helps to demonstrate a range of language abilities and a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You make some attempt to provide relevant examples, which is good. Nevertheless, for a higher score, strive to incorporate a variety of specific, detailed examples that directly support your argument. These should be well-integrated and shouldn't feel like an afterthought.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.