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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework irhouseholds in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework irhouseholds in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #irhouseholds #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The charts show the difference in housework between the present and the past, from 1920 to 2019
year
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 doing housework and the amount of time per week in 1920 was hard and took a lot of time,
therefore
Linking Words
 with electrical
applinces
Correct your spelling
appliances
, it made things easier for households until the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 gradually decreased in 2019. Looking at the details, in chart number of houses per week. In the first
year
Use synonyms
, started at 50
hours
Use synonyms
 working in seven days,meaning approximately 7
hours
Use synonyms
 a day.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the working
hours
Use synonyms
 declined to about 10
hours
Use synonyms
 in 2019.
By contrast
Linking Words
, in the chart the percentage of households was in 1920, the washing machine was considered the highest percentage among the other appliances, and it rose until 1960,
moreover
Linking Words
, it climbed again by approximately five per
cent
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 it rose.
However
Linking Words
, the refrigerator was not present at the beginning and gradually began to rise until it became 100 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 1980 and stabilized until the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 the vacuum cleaner started at 30 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 soared. Gradually, it stabilized at 100 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2000 until the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the more electrical appliances are available, the fewer the number of working
hours
Use synonyms
 at home.
Submitted by sesjej1330 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, moreover".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, hours, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 3 times.
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