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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrestedin the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. summarize the information and make comparison.

the pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrestedin the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. summarize the information and make comparison.
#percentage #persons #arrestedin #five #years #bar #arrest #information #comparison
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The pie chart illustrates
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the proportion of persons
arrestendin
Correct your spelling
arrested
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
five
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 ending 1994 and the bar chart
depicts
Verb problem
shows
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 the most reasons for arrest.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Males
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 proportion than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 who
arrested
Add a missing verb
were arrested
show examples
 in
five
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
. The following reasons are more dominated by men
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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Drink
Replace the word
Drunk
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 driving, breach of order, theft, and other
Use synonyms
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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. the largest
Use synonyms
percentage
Change the noun form
percentages
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 are women and men
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 public drinking and the
reason
Use synonyms
 for the small
percentage
Use synonyms
 is no answer with both the most dominating women. the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 arrested in
Use synonyms
five
Correct article usage
the five
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 ending 1994 was 32% and 9% respectively, and the total
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
males
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 and
females
Use synonyms
 not arrested was 68% and 91%, respectively. the
percentage
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 of
males
Use synonyms
 arrested more than the
percentage
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 of
females
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 with
gap
Correct article usage
a gap
show examples
 was 23%. there are seven
Use synonyms
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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 why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
arrests
Add a missing verb
were arrests
show examples
 in
five
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
, The following reasons are more dominated by men are Drink driving, breach of
order
Add an article
the order
an order
show examples
, theft, and other
reason
Use synonyms
 with around 28%, 20% 15% and 20%, respectively
andrespon
Correct your spelling
and respond
 by
females
Use synonyms
 dominant
percentage
Use synonyms
 was public drinking,
assaultf
Correct your spelling
assault
assaults
 and no answer with approximately 40%, 20% and 8%, respectively.
Submitted by wiwinwindiahadi on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words five, years, males, reason, percentage, females with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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