IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some People think that fittest and strongest individuals and the team, can achieve success in sports, while others believe that sucesses depends on mental attitude.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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While
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 some people believe that victory in sports depends on physical abilities,
whereas
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 others claim that it could be attained with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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metal
Correct your spelling
mental
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 ability. In my opinion, I believe that it is a combination of
both
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 physical fitness and cognitive
strength
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 that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 required to accomplish success in sports.
This
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 essay will discuss
both
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 views and share my viewpoint with pertinent data. on the one hand, folks argue that individuals who are fit and strong can win in competitions.
This
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 is to say that it is vital for participants to maintain their body fitness to indulge in extreme activities because they require stamina to stay active on the playground for long hours which is only possible if they perform regular exercises .
As a result
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, they can develop their muscle
strength
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 to unleash their full potential in order to win the game.
For example
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, it is evident that certain games
such
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 as
the
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apply
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football and
the
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apply
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baseball
considers
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consider
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 fitness as a primary
criteria
Correct the article-noun agreement
criterion
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 for the selection of
players
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.
On the other hand
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, some people claim that cognitive
strength
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 is much required to achieve success.
In other words
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,
while
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 playing participants should use their critical thinking skills and tactis, which are significant to understand the
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strength
Fix the agreement mistake
strengths
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 and weaknesses of opponents.
In addition
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,
such
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 thinking fosters team collaboration and allows
players
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 to share their perspectives to accomplish success.
For instance
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, in the
footballball
Correct your spelling
football ball
, without the ability of cognitive thinking, it is hard for
players
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 to pass the ball to the goal court. In summary, in my opinion, I believe that
players
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 require
both
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 physical endurance and mental ability to accomplish victory because they are equally important like
both
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 sides of the coin.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a variety of complex structures and tends to repeat certain phrases. Aim to showcase a wider range of sentence structures to enhance your coherence and cohesion score. Furthermore, using connectors appropriately will improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
The task response addresses the prompt, but the ideas are not fully developed. It is imperative to delve deeper into the reasons behind the views stated and to provide more in-depth analysis and examples. Also, ensure that your opinion is clear and consistent throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • competitive edge
  • endurance
  • agility
  • resilience
  • mental toughness
  • perseverance
  • team dynamic
  • communication
  • strategic thinking
  • psychological training
  • mental resilience
  • pinnacle
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