In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society

With the advancement in medical technology, the average life expectancy

becomes

Wrong verb form

has become

show examples

much longer than that in the past.

People

have a myriad of views about whether the ageing population brings more harm or benefits to society.

Although

there are several arguments in favour of the ageing phenomenon, I believe the advantages are still outweighed by the disadvantages.

This

will be proved by the analysis of its

advantage

Fix the agreement mistake

advantages

show examples

and followed by the impact on the government burden resulting from the ageing trend. Among all the benefits of having more elders in society, the first one

popping

Wrong verb form

that pops

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

mind is that social development can be fostered by elders' personal

experiences

. It is universally acknowledged that old

people

are usually eager to share their personal

experiences

with the young generations. Take,

for example

, some high schools invite elderly

people

who are working in various fields to tell their stories about their career paths. From the sharing, students can understand the full picture of a particular job and

therefore

it is more likely for them to make a wise choice regarding subject selection and future career. Never should we overlook the fact that personal

experiences

are essentially important to accumulate our wisdom to avoid committing the same mistakes in the future. Unlike any factual knowledge that we can simply look up on the internet, personal

experiences

are something even more valuable.

However

, it is undeniably true that the government burden will

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

inevitably increase when a society is ageing. Elderly

people

are generally more vulnerable to various kinds of disease.

In particular

people

aged 65 or above are more likely to have chronic diseases, ranging from diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and even cancers. The amount of medical resources required in treating chronic diseases creates a heavy burden on the government, be it the training of medical personnel or the acquisition of medical technology.

While

prolonged and intensive medical

supports

Fix the agreement mistake

support

show examples

is vital to

elderly

Correct article usage

the elderly

show examples

, it may reduce the amount of resources to be invested in other areas,

such

as education.

As a result

, it will be incontrovertibly detrimental to social development in the future. Under

this

line of thinking, though we can learn from the elders'

experiences

, we may not ignore the negative impact on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

public resources in an ageing community.

Therefore

, the benefits of having an ageing population are believed to be outweighed by its drawbacks.

Submitted by jothyliu on Mon Nov 20 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

The essay addresses the task and provides a clear position regarding the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population. However, to improve the task achievement score, ensure that the response sufficiently addresses all parts of the prompt. Expand on the discussion of the advantages to match the depth given to the disadvantages, as this will present a more balanced argument.

coherence cohesion

Your essay generally exhibits a logical structure, with an introduction and conclusion and paragraphing that separates ideas. However, to enhance coherence and cohesion, make certain that there is a clear connection between the thesis and subsequent paragraphs. The progression of your argument can be improved with more sophisticated linking of ideas. Utilize a wider range of cohesive devices to demonstrate complex relationships between points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

395 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Living in a country where you have to speak a foreighn language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Moving abroad, where our own language is not spoken can cause serious difficulties in order to connect to people aronund us, at the same time can make harder devevloping some daily activities. I completely agree with thit statement, and I will share my complete opinion in the next paragraphs.
5
band
Some people believe, more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done.
There are two ways to prevent crime: more actions should be taken or little attempts can be made. Although, to prevent crime more attempts can be done, little can also prevent from committing crimes.
6
band
In spite of the advance made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be down about this problem?
Nowadays, the majority of people in the world suffer from starvation while we have witnessed agricultural advancement. In my opinion, progressing in agriculture isn't enough to provide food for all people and we need to improve food transportation, and all areas should be able to exploit this advancement. In this essay, I will discuss reasons and solutions for this issue.
6.5
band
Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Other believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way
Social media is a controversial topic worldwide. This author opines that social networks like Facebook or Twitter affect significantly to a negative side on young individuals and their possibility to create personal relationships due to people always depending on media and are likely to upload some posts about negative things to get viewed more. However, some people think that media can help people get closer in a positive way.
6
band
Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes, such as a robbery or a violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some individuals argue that children under 18 should be sentenced in the same way as adults who committed serious sins such as stealing or causing extreme physical threats. Personally, I strongly disagree with this concept. This essay will analyse the difference between my viewpoint and the title.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreighn language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe, more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done.

In spite of the advance made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be down about this problem?

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Other believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way

Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes, such as a robbery or a violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?