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Band 3

Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but others think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all information can be seen on TV and the Internet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #travel #countries #information #tv #internet
Travelling across borders becomes an easy way to gain new information or other countries’s cultures.
However
, some critics argue that
travel
Wrong verb form
travelling
show examples
 that far is inappropriate, wasting a tremendous amount of money since all of the information is accessible on the television or just simply in our gizmos. Considering the real experience that we get when visiting a new environment, I believe that it is still necessary to have
this
 kind of trip. Going abroad is a common way to get more understanding about other nations. It is because visiting a particular country can give a real experience which cannot be replaced by just watching on television. To put it simply, tourists can get a lot of understanding about Indonesian culture from the local residents when they visit a cultural heritage destination in Indonesia, enjoying the appealing atmosphere
while
 simultaneously talking with the natives. Good support evidence is
also
 reported by Edinburgh Cultural Journal where in the UK, up to half of British museum visitors, feel a
lot of
Correct word choice
greater
show examples
 sense of adventure than those who just visited on an augmented reality through their official website which means that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 on-site adventures outweigh the online one.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
In addressing task achievement, the response only partially fulfills the requirements of the task. While both views are mentioned, there is a failure to develop a balanced discussion of each perspective before offering a personal opinion. To improve, ensure that equal attention and development are given to each view presented in the essay prompt.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion can be bolstered with a clearer organizational pattern. For example, consider using a more distinct paragraph structure to delineate the discussion of differing viewpoints more effectively. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices such as linking words or phrases could be more sophisticated, improving the overall flow and readability of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive
  • interactions
  • virtual means
  • cultural nuances
  • language acquisition
  • problem-solving
  • adaptability
  • sustainability
  • virtual tours
  • documentaries
  • sophisticated
  • realistic representations
  • comprehensive understanding
  • financial status
  • carbon footprint
  • digital resources
What to do next:
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