IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries fees by paid by themselves but in some it is paid by themselves

#countries #fees
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is undeniable that schools are the place where children get knowledge ,
however
Linking Words
, it has been paid for by the learner in some nations,
while
Linking Words
 in many countries the cost of the study is covered by the government only.
This
Linking Words
 essay will briefly analyse both the merits and demerits of
this
Linking Words
 trend in the following paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the advantages when individuals give their
fees
Use synonyms
 by themselves. First and foremost, paying their own
fees
Use synonyms
 helps
students
Use synonyms
 become financially independent, as they must work part-time to cover their expenses which aids them in understanding the value of money.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will never encourage themselves to buy useless goods with their hard-earned money.
Moreover
Linking Words
, paying their
fees
Use synonyms
 individually teaches them about how to be a self-reliant person.
For instance
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 living away from their parents have to make wise decisions on their own regarding what they have to do or what not even without their parents' help.
Thus
Linking Words
, they become a self-sufficient person in future.
However
Linking Words
, others argue that education should be publicly funded for several reasons because doing
this
Linking Words
 provides everyone with equal access to education regardless of student's socioeconomic status. Since
students
Use synonyms
 are the future workforce, and when they start earning, they contribute to the economy by paying taxes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government helps ensure that all
students
Use synonyms
 have the opportunity to succeed and contribute to society in the future
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 Government-funded
fees
Use synonyms
 help maintain social equality among everyone,
fees
Use synonyms
 paid by the
students
Use synonyms
 themselves help them realise the importance of money
Submitted by k7jassu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, especially when discussing the benefits of paying fees oneself and public funding.
task achievement
Clarify your points by providing detailed explanations for each idea you present. This will enhance the comprehensiveness and clarity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a smooth transition between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good framework for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The main arguments are well-supported, with a balance of perspectives on self-paid and government-funded education fees.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a thoughtful and balanced view on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: