Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

There is a not-refusing fact that an increasing number of famous

people

have attracted the public

due to

their wealth

instead

fulfillment

Change the spelling

fulfilment

show examples

, so many citizens have started worrying that these celebrities will become bad models for the younger generations. I downright support

this

statement, and

this

essay will elucidate the reasons why I agree with it. Primarily, idols play vital roles that have a magnificent effect on the development of teenagers, since

this

age is a crucial age to develop world values, and they always follow their idols' values.

For example

, some singers

allocated

Verb problem

argue

show examples

that money is the meaning of life in China, a result from a world value survey for Chinese high school students, showed that approximately 20% of students believe that money is the most important thing for them;

therefore

, it certainly has a negative influence on the development of value for most Chinese teenagers.

As well as

Rephrase

Also

show examples

, youngsters who still have not developed distinguishing right from wrong skills, are more likely to be stuck in moral dilemmas under grant influence of famous

people

's bad behavior, like whether to choose to control their impulsive desires.

For instance

, numerous young

people

loans from commercial companies to satisfy their shopping desires for luxuries, because they watch celebrities are glamorous

due to

their expensive clothes.

Hence

, if famous individuals pay more attention to their appearance, these kinds of

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

damage younger

people

view

Fix the agreement mistake

views

show examples

. In summary, heroes'

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

affects the younger generation's world values and consumption.

This

is because adolescence is a confusing period

that is

easy to change.

In addition

, at

this

age, they have no ability to identify what is right or not. So they are easy to follow their heros' anything. Based on these reasons, I do agree with

this

perspective.

Submitted by lyutingting520 on Mon Nov 20 2023

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task achievement

Your essay provided a clear point of view throughout, responding to the task effectively. However, adding a counter-argument or a concession might have bolstered the completeness of the response. Consider discussing a wider range of views for a more nuanced argument.

coherence cohesion

While your introduction and conclusion are present, they could be made stronger with a clearer thesis statement and summarization of the main points. The introduction should better establish the essay's main argument, and the conclusion should reinforce it, not just restate it.

coherence cohesion

You made some attempts to support your main points with examples or evidence, but the impact was diminished by a lack of specificity or detailed development. Use more precise examples and delve deeper into your explanations to strengthen your argument's credibility.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

293 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some expert believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondry school.do the advantages of this outweight the disadvantage?

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

While some believe that the best way to learn about current events is through newspapers, others think that they can learn news better through other forms of media. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this . You should write at least 250 words.

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?