Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a not-refusing fact that an increasing number of famous
have attracted the public
due to
their wealth
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, so many citizens have started worrying that these celebrities will become bad models for the younger generations. I downright support
statement, and
essay will elucidate the reasons why I agree with it.  Primarily, idols play vital roles that have a magnificent effect on the development of teenagers, since
age is a crucial age to develop world values, and they always follow their idols' values.
For example
, some singers
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that money is the meaning of life in China, a result from a world value survey for Chinese high school students, showed that approximately 20% of students believe that money is the most important thing for them;
, it certainly has a negative influence on the development of value for most Chinese teenagers.
As well as
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, youngsters who still have not developed distinguishing right from wrong skills, are more likely to be stuck in moral dilemmas under grant influence of famous
's bad behavior, like whether to choose to control their impulsive desires.
For instance
, numerous young
loans from commercial companies to satisfy their shopping desires for luxuries, because they watch celebrities are glamorous
due to
their expensive clothes.
, if famous individuals pay more attention to their appearance, these kinds of
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damage younger
Fix the agreement mistake
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. In summary, heroes'
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affects the younger generation's world values and consumption.
is because adolescence is a confusing period
that is
easy to change.
In addition
, at
age, they have no ability to identify what is right or not. So they are easy to follow their heros' anything. Based on these reasons, I do agree with
Submitted by lyutingting520 on

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task achievement
Your essay provided a clear point of view throughout, responding to the task effectively. However, adding a counter-argument or a concession might have bolstered the completeness of the response. Consider discussing a wider range of views for a more nuanced argument.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, they could be made stronger with a clearer thesis statement and summarization of the main points. The introduction should better establish the essay's main argument, and the conclusion should reinforce it, not just restate it.
coherence cohesion
You made some attempts to support your main points with examples or evidence, but the impact was diminished by a lack of specificity or detailed development. Use more precise examples and delve deeper into your explanations to strengthen your argument's credibility.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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