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Band 4.5

as communication technology develops, it changes the way we communicate with friends and family members compared to the past. Do you think this has more advantages and disvantages?

#communication #technology #changes #friends #members #disvantages
Now we are in high technology era. People experience different
communication
 methods to talk
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 loved ones than past.
This
 development provides significant
advanatages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 to users, in
this
 essay I will discuss both
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 and drawbacks. In my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
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 it has more advantages than
disadvanatges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
.
To begin
 with,
communication
 plays an important role in our life, in the modern world it is difficult to survive without
communication
. Compared to the past, we can speak to anybody we love
any where
Join the words
anywhere
show examples
 in the world and it is possible to see visuals
also
.
This
 is
such
 a
marverlous deveolpment beacuse
Correct your spelling
marvellous development because
 when we turn to current families most of the family members live in different locations
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past.
Hense
Correct your spelling
Hence
show examples
, current parents
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to live
communicate
Correct word choice
and communicate
show examples
 with their
children
 and even
grand
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grandchildren
show examples
children
,
this
help
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helps
show examples
 them to avoid
boardom
Correct your spelling
boredom
 and loneliness in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 older age.
Therefore
, many
bussy
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busy
show examples
children
 can monitor and take care of their parents without worries.
For example
,
older
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in older
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 days most mothers
waiting
Wrong verb form
waited
show examples
 till their daughters come to
Correct article usage
the villege
show examples
villege
Correct your spelling
village
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the weekend to see them and talk to them,
as a result
 of,
communication
 development now they can talk dialy their
gossips
Fix the agreement mistake
gossip
show examples
 through
vedio
Correct your spelling
video
 calls.
However
, we can see the dark side of
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication
 development. Many
children
Add a missing verb
are adictted
show examples
adictted
Correct your spelling
addicted
admitted
 to electronic
devises
Replace the word
devices
show examples
 these days,
this
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main drawback of
this
phenomemon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
. Before
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 kids
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 time to play with their relations or neibougher friends but now they do not want to play
vertually
Correct your spelling
virtually
, many
children
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
vedio
Correct your spelling
video
 games
instead
 of
mingle
Change the form of the verb
mingling
show examples
 with friends and family members.
For example
, recent research found in Sri Lanka,
many
Correct word choice
that many
show examples
children
 suffer from depression from their childhood
due to
 over
useage
Correct your spelling
use
 of electronic
devises
Replace the word
devices
show examples
. In conclusion,
communication
 has
continuous
Change the adjective
continuously
show examples
 developed and currently everything
define
Wrong verb form
is defined
show examples
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
 technology. So, we can not avoid it, but it has a lot of
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 than drawbacks, people have to decide how
use
Add the particle
to use
show examples
 it without harm
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them.
Submitted by Sa.inaka on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. It's also important to make sure your paragraphs transition smoothly from one idea to the next to improve the logical flow of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Address the task fully. While you presented both advantages and disadvantages, your position is unclear, and the response lacks a clear opinion. Make sure that your opinion is stated clearly in the introduction and the conclusion, and that you spend sufficient time developing your argument in support of your stance throughout the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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