some people say history is one of the most important school subject. other people think that, in today's world, subject like scince and technology are more important than history. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, some
society
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societies
show examples
think
history
dicipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
one of the
best
Rephrase
most
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important school
major
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majors
show examples
. Other people believe that
science
and
technology
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
more impact than
history
. Maybe some parents tend to adapt
with
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to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
globalization so they choose
the
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apply
show examples
science
and
technology
to
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for
show examples
their youth.  The
history
major
are
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is
show examples
one of the important
dicipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
disciplines
that gives offspring the wise from the past.
Student
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Students
show examples
can learn many things from many
kind
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kinds
show examples
of
event
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events
show examples
.
For instance
, the
history
of
Correct article usage
the majapahit
show examples
majapahit
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Majapahit
show examples
kingdom in Indonesia,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can give the
youngster
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youngsters
show examples
to learn about the culture,
habit
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habits
show examples
, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
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other's
others'
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values. The youth will learn about how the society of
majapahit
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Majapahit
show examples
gain
Wrong verb form
gained
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their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
golden time and how the
majapahit
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Majapahit
show examples
kingdom down. From the example, the parents hope their children will get the point of
Correct article usage
the majapahit
show examples
majapahit
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Majapahit
show examples
story and
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
apply
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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present. In the 21st, the growth of
tecnologies
Correct your spelling
technology
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
become attention by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In every part of life, human always
use
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uses
show examples
technology
to ease their study, work, and communication. One of
Add an article
the case
show examples
case
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cases
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is using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sattelite automation to
explores
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explore
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the mining place in the mountain, or
finding
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find
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oil
source
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sources
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in the ocean. Both of the 2
example
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examples
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have
the
Correct article usage
a
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good
sallary
Correct your spelling
salary
, so some parents give the youngsters to become researchers who have
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
sallary
Correct your spelling
salary
.  In conclusion,
history
and
technology
/
science
subject
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subjects
show examples
have
each
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
and importance.
History
dicipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
give people the wise from the past event. Even though
science
/
technology
is used to prepare the future
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
. I think we must learn
history
and
technology
with balance. So we can control the
using
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use
show examples
of
technology
wisely and could consider the bad and good
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
ourselves and our environment.
Submitted by fylerone on

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task achievement
To improve in the area of task response, ensure that you directly address the question throughout the essay. Your opinions should be clear and well-explained without being buried in details or broad statements. You should present a balanced view before giving your conclusion, reflecting on both views mentioned in the task. Include specific examples to illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from enhanced coherence and cohesion. Work on creating a well-organized structure for your paragraphs, where each contains a clear main idea that extends the argument presented. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly, and make sure that the progression of ideas from one to the next is logical and seamless. A concluding paragraph should neatly summarize the main ideas, reiterating the answer to the task's question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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