The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
The given graph illustrates the comparison of how many stores closed and how many new stores opened in a country from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
, the average number of store closures was more than the average number of
shop
openings
during the time period given,
although
there was a dramatic decline in
shop
closures in 2015.
According to
the data, approximately 6400
shops
were closed in 2011.
Although
the following years, 2012-2014, the number of
shops
that closed experienced an up and down, there was a significant drop in 2015 to below 1000
shops
. The
shop
closures
then
drastically went up to around 5000 before
remained
Wrong verb form
remaining
show examples
slightly stable until 2018. In terms of the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of
shop
openings
, 2011 witnessed the biggest
shop
Correct quantifier usage
number of shop
show examples
openings
with around 8500
shop
openings
. In the next year, 2012, there was a decrease
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
4500
shops
that were opened.
Additionally
, in the following two years, the
shop
openings
gradually increased to approximately 6000
shops
before
went
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
down to exactly 4000 in 2015.
Furthermore
, in the period of 2015-2017, the
shop
openings
remained steady and
then
falled
Correct your spelling
fell
show examples
by around 1000 in 2018.
Submitted by faridafitrikusumastuti on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
Vocabulary: Replace the words shop, openings, shops with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decline
  • surge
  • stabilize
  • correlation
  • economic conditions
  • consumer behavior
  • technological advancements
  • urban development
  • employment
  • retail sector
What to do next:
Look at other essays: