IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#children #hours #smartphones
With the growth of technology the
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 time of
gagets
Correct your spelling
gadgets
,
such
 as smartphones, has increased significantly.
However
, overindulging in the usage of
such
 a device, which is common in
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
, might cause health problems.
Thus
, it is extremely important that control measures are taken by parents to avoid these issues.
Although
 these over usings are
coducted
Correct your spelling
conducted
 by young people who are not fully aware of these
irreversable
Correct your spelling
irreversible
 health
relatetd
Correct your spelling
related
 effects and can lead to lots of problems, I firmly
believie
Correct your spelling
believe
 they are quite beneficial if
unsing
Correct your spelling
using
 them would be limited. In
this
 modern time
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 almost all devices are
combining
Wrong verb form
combined
show examples
 into one
gaget
Correct your spelling
gadget
, it is not
supprising
Correct your spelling
surprising
show examples
 that they would be
over used
Correct your spelling
overused
show examples
. Several decades ago, every
peice
Correct your spelling
piece
 of technology had a
sperate
Correct your spelling
separate
show examples
 body and was in need of its own treatment, like the Radio, TV or even the Telephone;
however
, now within
this
 contemporary
era
Add a comma
era,
show examples
 these devices are all combined in one
gagets
Correct your spelling
gadgets
 called
smartphone
Add an article
a smartphone
the smartphone
show examples
, which is able to
cary
Correct your spelling
carry
 on any duty that anybody wants.
Consequently
, if you want a Radio it is just a
finget
Correct your spelling
finger
 tab away from you, as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 matter of fact
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 world is at your
finger tips
Correct your spelling
fingertips
show examples
. Despite all possibilities and advantages that it can
bing
Correct your spelling
bring
show examples
 with itself, these
gagets
Correct your spelling
gadgets
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 with
nagative
Correct your spelling
negative
 parts too.
For example
, now
acording
Correct your spelling
according
 to Statictica, an
institude
Correct your spelling
institution
 which offer statistic about diseases amongst other reports, the number of children who suffers from
eyes condition
Fix the agreement mistake
eye conditions
show examples
 has tripled during the
last
 10 years.
This
problems
Change noun form
problem's
show examples
 major source
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 time
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 on Video games,
announced
Correct word choice
as announced
show examples
 by Statictica. In conclusion,
it is clear that
 using smartphones can be harmful but they can be extremely beneficial, as long as their usage is
strickted
Correct your spelling
strict
.
Submitted by anayasinwriting on

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coherence cohesion
There are several linguistic errors which hinder the clear communication of ideas; these should be addressed for a coherent structure. The appropriate use of vocabulary, grammar, and syntax is essential.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are somewhat recognizable, but they lack a clear thesis and summary respectively. Work on crafting a more defined opening statement and a conclusive ending that encapsulates the main points discussed.
coherence cohesion
The main points are somewhat evident but are not consistently supported throughout the essay. Aim to provide clear, concise support for each argument presented, and make sure that all paragraphs contribute to the overall position.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete and sometimes deviates from the prompt. Focus on directly answering the question and developing your arguments fully.
task achievement
The ideas are presented but are not always detailed or expanded upon sufficiently for clear understanding. Strive for depth in your writing by thoroughly explaining your points.
task achievement
The examples provided are not always relevant or specific. Please ensure that the examples used are directly related to the argument and help to illustrate your points clearly.

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