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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say tht now we can see films on our phones and tablts there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films, need to be seen in a cinema. Discuss both· these,views and give your on .opinion.

#people #tht #films #phones #tablts #cinema #both·
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Modern technology allows
people
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 to enjoy
movies
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 on various
devices
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,
such
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 as
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 and laptops.
While
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 some
people
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 suggest
movie
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 theatres should not exist nowadays, I personally believe the
experience
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audience
Correct article usage
the audience
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 could have in
cinema
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 could not be replaced by personal
devices
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. On the one hand, there is an incremental population of users watching
movies
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 on personal
devices
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 for its convenience and resilience in time. Individuals are able to enjoy
films
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 in pyjamas at home, which not only
safe
Correct your spelling
saves
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 them commuting time but various regulations in
movie
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 theatres.
Moreover
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, entertainment commercial institutions
such
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 as Netflix and Disney continue to elaborate the function to enhance the
experience
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 of watching
movies
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 on domestic
devices
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.
For instance
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, the users are able to pause and save
films
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 to watch later,
along with
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 that, non-native users could have a better understanding of foreign
movies
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 with subtitles.
On the other hand
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, I personally agree with those who value the existence of
cinema
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due to
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 several reasons. First of all, cinemas
is
Change the verb form
are
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 considered as
a social occasions
Correct the article-noun agreement
a social occasion
social occasions
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 for friends and couples to
spent
Change the form of the verb
spend
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 their leisure time, watching
movies
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 with classmates or partners are part of vital memories for many
people
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 which should continue to contribute good
experience
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 to the younger generation.
Secondly
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, the equipment in the
cinema
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 is more professional than most indoor
devices
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 which provides more detail of
films
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 and a better
experience
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 for the audience.
For example
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, 3D glasses and special design chairs could provide a vivid
experience
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 which makes viewers believe they are actually in the
movie
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, on top of that, the interaction with others in the
movies
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,
such
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 as laughing and crying together, could enhance the
participanting
Correct your spelling
participation
. To summarise, some
people
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seeing
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
cinema
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 as outdated
due to
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 the incremental population of individuals who choose to enjoy
films
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 at home
due to
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 many advantages,
however
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, in my perspective, the value of
movie
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 theatres should not be overlooked as a social occasion and to provide a better
experience
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 of viewing.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your Coherence and Cohesion score, ensure that your essay's ideas are structured in a logical manner. Using clear paragraphing with topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph will help the reader understand the main point quickly. Additionally, strive for a more seamless flow between ideas with the use of appropriate linking words and phrases.
Task Achievement
In terms of Task Achievement, while you addressed both views and provided your own opinion, the development of these is quite general. To boost your score, you should aim to explore both sides of the argument with more in-depth analysis and clearer, specific examples that support your points.
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