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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line chart shows average attendance at the cinema among various age groups in the US from 2000 to 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart shows average attendance at the cinema among various age groups in the US from 2000 to 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given line chart shows the trend of different age groups of people
Correct pronoun usage
who attended
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attended
Correct pronoun usage
who attended
show examples
Change preposition
apply
show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
cinemas
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cinema
Fix the agreement mistake
cinemas
show examples
 in the US between 2000 and 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, in spite of fluctuating, all figures ended up higher by the end of
time
Add an article
the time
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 period given and people with 15-24 and 35 and over years old were consistently the most and the least attendees.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the graph for individuals in the range of 15-24 started at roughly 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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, which
followed
Add a missing verb
was followed
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 by a slight rise to almost 32 in 2005,
then
Linking Words
 fluctuated widely during
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 three years before increasing sharply to
high
Add an article
a high
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 of 58
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 somewhere in the vicinity of 2010.
Finally
Linking Words
, it reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
52 by the end of 2011.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, nearly no one with
35
Correct article usage
a 35
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 and over
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 old population went to
Use synonyms
cinema
Add an article
the cinema
a cinema
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 in 2000, which went up progressively to about 13 people
of
Change preposition
out of
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 every 100
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. As far as the remaining two age groups it concerned, their graph saw a similar trend compared to the former ones, starting at 10 and 4 for 7-14 and 25-35 respectively. With the exception of 2005
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the percentage of 25–35-year-old individuals passed the 7-14 ones, the popularity
Use synonyms
cinema
Change preposition
of cinema
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 was lower among 25-35 than 7-14 before 2011,
However
Linking Words
, 30 percent of both groups preferred
cinema
Use synonyms
 in 2011.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cinema with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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