IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

The problem of obesity is becoming a serious issue all over the world. Some people argue that the price of fattening foods should be increased to reduce the growth of this problem. Do you agree or disagree?

#obesity #world #people #price #foods #growth
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There is no doubt that these days obesity is becoming a serious issue all over the world. The question is, Some people argue that the price of fattening foods should be increased to reduce the growth of
this
 problem. Do you agree or disagree? in
this
 essay,
Correct your spelling
I am
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lam
Correct your spelling
am
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 going to In terms of (advantaged/positive side/problems/causes), .The main reason given to support
this
 claim is that
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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 To illustrate
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
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In other words
 (
However
, /
Moreover
,)
Firstly
, .
Change the punctuation
,
.
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In other words
,
Secondly
. In conclusion,
although
 ago,
Therefore
, I believe that. . In conclusion, it is evident that, we gall wall steps are
taken
Add a missing verb
being taken
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 to prevent
this
 phenomenon from deteriorating future
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coherence cohesion
The essay fails to provide a clear structure and the paragraphs presented do not follow a logical sequence. Develop clear paragraphs that each have a central idea, supported by coherent arguments and relevant examples. Transition sentences need to be improved to provide smooth progression of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
The task is not fully addressed as there is no clear argument or opinion presented. Provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction and make sure that each body paragraph supports your thesis. Include a summary of your main points and a final recommendation or opinion in your conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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