International visitors to New Zealand: transport used during visit

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The chart illustrates the distinct means of transport the foreigners used to travel to New Zealand. The percentage of cars that were chosen to travel was the highest, nearly 70

percent

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per cent

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. The chart portrays two distinct types of vehicles “Plane and coach “, they were second the highest, it was close to 35

percent

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per cent

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. The population of cars was twice time as high as that of planes. The percentage of trains was 20

percent

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per cent

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, it was second-lowest.

Lastly

, tourists

traveling

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travelling

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by boat are the least common, with only under 10

percent

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per cent

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. Comparison of the remaining three with each other. Coach is more common than trains and

boats

, compared to trains, it was ten

percent

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per cent

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higher.

Moreover

, the coach was larger than the boat, it was six times.

Although

boats

are less popular, they are still more popular than

boats

, which was 4 times the percentage of

boats

Overall

, nearly 70

percent

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per cent

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of visitors prefer using cars to come to New Zealand, and only under 10

percent

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per cent

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of the foreigners decided on

boats

Submitted by sinh.ielts on Mon Nov 20 2023

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task achievement

Your essay lacks clarity in the introduction by missing a comprehensive overview and not distinguishing clearly between internal (within New Zealand) and international transportation. Ensure you provide a clear context and objective for the data depiction.

coherence cohesion

There are repetitive statements and some confusing comparisons in the essay, such as 'Although boats are less popular, they are still more popular than boats,' which does not make logical sense. Aim to differentiate your comparative statements for clarity and accuracy.

coherence cohesion

The essay could benefit from a proper conclusion summarizing the key points. A strong essay should start with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs, and end with a conclusion to encapsulate the information provided.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

172 words

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International visitors to New Zealand: transport used during visit

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that a person can never understand the culture of a country unless they speak the language. Do you agree with this opinion?

In today's world, many people use mobile phones and the Internet to communicate with others. This has resulted in the use of new words and different forms of spelling and grammar. Are they a positive or negative development?

In today’s world, private companies rather than the government pay for and conduct most scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that the violence shown in movies and video games has a damaging effect on society. While others believe that these don’t have an influence on people’s behaviour. What is your opinion?