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Band 2

International visitors to New Zealand: transport used during visit

#visitors #zealand #transport #visit
The chart illustrates the distinct means of transport the foreigners used to travel to New Zealand. The percentage of cars that were chosen to travel was the highest, nearly 70
percent
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per cent
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. The chart portrays two distinct types of vehicles “Plane and coach “, they were second the highest, it was close to 35
percent
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per cent
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. The population of cars was twice time as high as that of planes. The percentage of trains was 20
percent
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per cent
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, it was second-lowest.
Lastly
, tourists
traveling
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travelling
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 by boat are the least common, with only under 10
percent
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per cent
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. Comparison of the remaining three with each other. Coach is more common than trains and
boats
, compared to trains, it was ten
percent
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per cent
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 higher.
Moreover
, the coach was larger than the boat, it was six times.
Although
boats
 are less popular, they are still more popular than
boats
, which was 4 times the percentage of
boats
.
Overall
, nearly 70
percent
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per cent
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 of visitors prefer using cars to come to New Zealand, and only under 10
percent
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per cent
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 of the foreigners decided on
boats
.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

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task achievement
Your essay lacks clarity in the introduction by missing a comprehensive overview and not distinguishing clearly between internal (within New Zealand) and international transportation. Ensure you provide a clear context and objective for the data depiction.
coherence cohesion
There are repetitive statements and some confusing comparisons in the essay, such as 'Although boats are less popular, they are still more popular than boats,' which does not make logical sense. Aim to differentiate your comparative statements for clarity and accuracy.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a proper conclusion summarizing the key points. A strong essay should start with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs, and end with a conclusion to encapsulate the information provided.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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