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Band 4

International visitros to New Zealand: transport used during visit

#visitros #zealand #transport #visit
The chart gives information about what
transport
 used during
visit
Fix the agreement mistake
visits
show examples
 of International
Visitors
 to
NewZeaLand
Correct your spelling
NewZealand
Car
 is the most common means of
transport
 that international
visitors
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 during
Add an article
a visit
the visit
show examples
visit
Fix the agreement mistake
visits
show examples
 to New
ZeaLand
Correct your spelling
Zealand
.The percentage of
that is
 69
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Overall
,
visitors
 prefer to
use
 private
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 to public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 The highest percentage, 69
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
visitors
Change preposition
of visitors
show examples
 go to
NewZeaLand
Correct your spelling
New Zealand
 by
car
.
First,
Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
visitors
Add an article
the visitors
show examples
 like driving
Add an article
a car
the car
show examples
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 to New
ZeaLand
Correct your spelling
Zealand
 or
another places
Replace the adjective
another place
other places
show examples
 because it makes them more independent so They prefer to
use
 private
transport
 to public
transport
.
Second,
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
private
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
car
 help them save
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money,
for example
 , when
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
 have a journey to New
ZeaLand
Correct your spelling
Zealand
, travel by
car
 saves more money than travel by public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
.Another reason is comfortable for
car
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
,
for example
,
visitors
 can go anywhere they want and the journey will take them through many landscapes.
Furthermore
,
visitors
 can’t afford the ticket of public
transport
 so they used to go by
car
. The lower group is public
transport
such
 as
plane
Fix the agreement mistake
planes
show examples
,
coach
Fix the agreement mistake
coaches
show examples
,
trane
Correct your spelling
train
Trane
,
Correct word choice
and boat
show examples
boat
Fix the agreement mistake
boats
show examples
.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 small number of
people
 like going to New
ZeaLand
Correct your spelling
Zealand
 by public
transport
.
First,
visitors
 like to
use
 public
transport
 because it’s convenient .
Second,
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 public
transport
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 better than private
transport
 for some
people
 because it can commune a long distance,
for
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
visitors
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to HoChiMinh
city
Capitalize word
City
show examples
 from
HaNoi
Correct your spelling
Hanoi
 Capital only takes them 2 hours by plane.Another reason is
use
 public
Transports
Fix the agreement mistake
Transport
show examples
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 a hobby
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some
people
,
it’s
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
show examples
 feeling for
visitors
,
visitors
Correct word choice
and visitors
show examples
 don’t need to do anything until arrive
NewZeaLand
Correct your spelling
at New Zealand
. In conclusion, most
people
 will choose private
transport
to
Change preposition
over
show examples
 public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 because it’s independent,
save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
show examples
 money and
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 feeling for
user
Add an article
the user
show examples
.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear organizational structure. Pivotal elements such as a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion should be distinctly outlined. Use of cohesive devices and clear paragraphing would strengthen the coherence.
task achievement
The response partially addresses all parts of the task. You will need to expand on the reasons for visitors' preferences and include more detailed support and examples. Make sure your essay directly pertains to the given information on transportation in New Zealand, rather than including irrelevant details, such as the example about traveling from Hanoi to Ho Chi Minh City.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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