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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts show the number of hours spent in a British university library by undergraduates, postgraduates and the total student population.

The pie charts show the number of hours spent in a British university library by undergraduates, postgraduates and the total student population.
#show #hours #british #university #library #undergraduates #postgraduates #student #population
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The pie charts below show the
number
Use synonyms
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 spent in a British university
library
Use synonyms
 by undergraduates,
postgraduates
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, and the total
sudent
Correct your spelling
student
 population. First of
all
Add a comma
all,
show examples
 we can see per
cent
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 of
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 spent fifteen or more
hours
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
library
Add an article
the library
show examples
.There are about more than half of
hundred
Correct article usage
a hundred
show examples
 per
cent
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.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 undergraduates have a modest 9 per
cent
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. But they have just under
two thirds
Add a hyphen
two-thirds
show examples
 of
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number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
Use synonyms
students
Change preposition
of students
show examples
 who spend 1 to 7
hours
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 in
Use synonyms
library
Correct article usage
the library
show examples
 per week,
whereas
Linking Words
 the average for
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 category is a tiny minority. If we talk about all
students
Use synonyms
, we will notice that a hefty 50 per
cent
Use synonyms
 is the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 seven or
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
library
Add an article
the library
show examples
.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 the
number
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 of all
students
Use synonyms
 and
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 who spent between 8 and 14
hours
Use synonyms
 are almost the same.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 undergraduates’s numbers are slightly different. I conclude that those
students
Use synonyms
 who are researching for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
postgraduates
a postgraduate
show examples
postgraduates
Use synonyms
 spent more time in
Use synonyms
library
Add an article
the library
show examples
 than either undergraduates or other
students
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 92%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, hours, library, postgraduates, cent, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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