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Writing Samples
Band 3

All children should be given a free laptop when they start high school. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #laptop #school
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We're living in an era which is characterized by high-yield technology, which covers almost all aspects of our personal and professional life.
Therefore
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, in my opinion, giving students a free laptop when they start high school is a must thing to be considered. First of all, because it will help not only to reduce tons of books which students have to carry every day, damaging their physical health, but it will surely prepare them to face future challenges as well, in all aspects of their life, from superior education to finding a job, or for better organization of their business.
Secondly
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, it is a time-saving gadget when it comes to searching for new information around the world. Nowadays, we have so much to learn about every field our life is surrounded by.
Thirdly
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, there are numerous applications which could help students develop their way of thinking and improve their skills for information retention,
for instance
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,
mind-mapping
Correct your spelling
mind mapping
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 and
flash cards
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flashcards
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 are very useful. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, I would encourage the authorities to
advance
Verb problem
take
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such
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 a great step to help our future generations, as it is essential for their cognitive development, physical health and results
also
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 to be a time-saving opportunity.
Submitted by syedbasat on

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coherence cohesion
You should work on presenting a clearer logical structure in your essay by ensuring that there is a clear progression of ideas throughout. Paragraphing needs to be more controlled, with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should be centered around one main idea and explored in depth.
task achievement
While you did present a complete response to the task, the essay could be improved by developing more comprehensive ideas and arguments. Expand on your points by elucidating and elaborating on your ideas, incorporating varied sentence structures, and ensuring all aspects of the topic are covered.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from the inclusion of more relevant and specific examples to support your points. Specific examples not only make your arguments stronger but also show an ability to apply abstract ideas in a concrete context, thus increasing the persuasiveness of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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