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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities in the last 4 weeks.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities in the last 4 weeks.
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The bar chart compares the proportion of
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea consumer's behaviour in five Australian cities.
Overall
Linking Words
, in those five different cities, the majority of citizens went to
cafés
Use synonyms
 to enjoy
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea, except Adelaide.
However
Linking Words
, the least of them bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
. Turning first to Sydney and Melbourne,
bought
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea in
cafés
Use synonyms
 was the majority of the population, over 60% compared to around 45% for
bought
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 fresh and instant
coffee
Use synonyms
. The lowest percentage was fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 consumption around 43% in Sydney and Melbourne.
Likewise
Linking Words
, people in Brisbane and Hobart
also
Linking Words
 preferred going to
cafés
Use synonyms
, over 55% and 60%.
However
Linking Words
, the percentage of instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 sold was
also
Linking Words
 significant, accounting for around 53% in Brisbane and almost 55% in Hobart.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the majority of people in Adelaide preferred to buy instant
coffee
Use synonyms
, accounting for almost 50%, slightly higher than going to
cafés
Use synonyms
 around 48%. The proportion of people who bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 was the lowest at around 34%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, cafés with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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