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Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?

#childhood #diseases #vaccines #parents #law #immunise #children #individuals #right
Nowadays many
vaccinations
 help children to not get sick. Some
people
 argue that families should be free to decide what’s better for them, but I strongly believe that the government should intervene and make some medical treatment mandatory. Even though it is essential to respect everyone’s ideas, I have no doubt that
immunisation
 is really important to save many
people
's lives.
Firstly
, vaccines were useful to wipe out a wide range of illnesses,
such
 as polio and smallpox.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 vaccines protect many
people
 against infectious
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
.
As a consequence
, a lot of children have been saved and the rate of infant mortality plummeted.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 the matter of medical care was recently shown: the outbreak of the Covid-19 pandemic was only stopped thanks to mass vaccination. When it comes to vaccines, a common topic is safety. On one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 a lot of parents are afraid of
side
Correct article usage
the side
show examples
 effects of
immunisation
 but on the other childhood
vaccinations
 are thoroughly tested.
Therefore
 families should not be worried
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 a severe allergic reaction.
Moreover
, there is no correlation between illnesses,
such
 as autism, and jabs. I think that the government should improve the information about these kinds of medical treatments. If
people
 were more aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
vaccinations
, they wouldn’t be scared of the unknown and wouldn’t believe in fake news.
To sum
up
Add a comma
up,
show examples
 with what I said before, I am sure that
immunisation
 could prevent a lot of illnesses.
Furthermore
, there is no proof that
vaccinations
 are harmful to young children.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 politicians should teach families
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 health and make mandatory childhood
immunisation
.
Submitted by trrapmala on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay maintains a clear and organized structure, with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs. Use cohesive devices appropriately to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly, but be cautious of overusing them or using them incorrectly.
task achievement
When addressing the essay prompt, make sure to cover all aspects of the question and present a well-rounded argument. Your ideas should be both clear and comprehensive, providing ample support in the form of explanations, examples, or evidence. Avoid repeating points without adding substantial value to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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