Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?

#childhood #diseases #vaccines #parents #law #immunise #children #individuals #right

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Nowadays many

vaccinations

help children to not get sick. Some

people

argue that families should be free to decide what’s better for them, but I strongly believe that the government should intervene and make some medical treatment mandatory. Even though it is essential to respect everyone’s ideas, I have no doubt that

immunisation

is really important to save many

people

's lives.

Firstly

, vaccines were useful to wipe out a wide range of illnesses,

such

as polio and smallpox.

addition

Add a comma

addition,

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vaccines protect many

people

against infectious

disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

show examples

As a consequence

, a lot of children have been saved and the rate of infant mortality plummeted.

Furthermore

Add a comma

Furthermore,

show examples

the matter of medical care was recently shown: the outbreak of the Covid-19 pandemic was only stopped thanks to mass vaccination. When it comes to vaccines, a common topic is safety. On one

hand

Add a comma

hand,

show examples

a lot of parents are afraid of

side

Correct article usage

the side

show examples

effects of

immunisation

but on the other childhood

vaccinations

are thoroughly tested.

Therefore

families should not be worried

Change preposition

about

show examples

a severe allergic reaction.

Moreover

, there is no correlation between illnesses,

such

as autism, and jabs. I think that the government should improve the information about these kinds of medical treatments. If

people

were more aware

about

Change the preposition

show examples

vaccinations

, they wouldn’t be scared of the unknown and wouldn’t believe in fake news.

To sum

Add a comma

up,

show examples

with what I said before, I am sure that

immunisation

could prevent a lot of illnesses.

Furthermore

, there is no proof that

vaccinations

are harmful to young children.

As a

result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

politicians should teach families

Change preposition

about

show examples

health and make mandatory childhood

immunisation

Submitted by trrapmala on Mon Nov 20 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that your essay maintains a clear and organized structure, with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs. Use cohesive devices appropriately to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly, but be cautious of overusing them or using them incorrectly.

task achievement

When addressing the essay prompt, make sure to cover all aspects of the question and present a well-rounded argument. Your ideas should be both clear and comprehensive, providing ample support in the form of explanations, examples, or evidence. Avoid repeating points without adding substantial value to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

262 words

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Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Your next door neighbour owns a small dog that barks throughout the day and the night. Write a letter to your neighbour requesting that something be done about the dog. Include in your letter: ﻿﻿Your reason for writing ﻿﻿What you would like to happen ﻿﻿A nice, respectful style.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between citles. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

The process below shows the Human Resources (HR) recruitment process for a company. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Your next door neighbour owns a small dog that barks throughout the day and the night. Write a letter to your neighbour requesting that something be done about the dog. Include in your letter: Your reason for writing What you would like to happen A nice, respectful style.