In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion
Certainly! Here's a rewritten version of your essay with some variations in the commonly repeated words:
In numerous countries, some individuals argue for the necessity of allocating substantial funds to construct new railway lines for high-speed
trains
between cities
. Others assert that these financial resources should be directed toward enhancing the current public transport
infrastructure. In
my perspective, I am firmly inclined to the idea that augmenting the existing amenities brings more comprehensive benefits.
Change preposition
From
While
it is contended by many that funds should be allocated to expanding the railway system
to provide cities
with high-speed train connections, others opine that the financial resources ought to be spent on renovating and improving the current public transport
system
, and I am inclined to agree with the notion that improving the existing facilities brings more benefits.
Admittedly, the extension of high-speed trains
between cities
may bring some negligible advantages to a country. For instance
, workers currently employed in distant factories may find convenience, as high-speed trains
offer a shortcut between their accommodation and workplace. However
, it is worth considering that investments in these large expansion projects may not seem sensible, as this
construction will not only impose a remarkable expenditure on the government but also
it does
not lead to a multi-functional solution to all public Verb problem
will
transport
problems.
In my viewpoint, I strongly believe that strengthening the current transportation facilities can benefit not only its daily users but also
mitigate environmental harm. In simpler terms, although
most countries, considering both developed and developing nations, have already supplied citizens with an extensive public transport
system
, many of these mediums, such
as buses and taxis, need to be either repaired or replaced to lessen the car emissions to the air, which will bring about environmental repercussions in the long run.
Moreover
, once the
public transportation is updated, a larger proportion of passengers show an inclination to use them so that they Correct article usage
apply
consequently
spend less money on petrol. In other words
, the more updated the transportation system
is, the more these environmental harms as well as
road congestion are imposed on that specific region.
In conclusion, while
many people believe that governmental funds should be given to extending railway lines for high-speed trains
between cities
, I adhere to the idea that advancements in terms of improving the current public transport
can not only mitigate the environmental impacts of CO2 emission but also
bring about a remarkable decrease in road congestion, as more people tend to use taxis and buses.Submitted by parvizrashidi on
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task achievement
Your essay satisfactorily addresses the task. However, some areas of task achievement need attention. Ensure that your response includes a clear opinion and develops it throughout the essay. In this instance, your opinion is present but could be reinforced to avoid blending with the discussion of both views.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally logical. However, to enhance logical flow, consider using a broader range of cohesive devices and ensure that paragraphs segue smoothly into one another.
task achievement
While you provided some examples, the effectiveness of the essay would be improved with more relevant and detailed examples to strengthen your main points. Ensure that examples are specific and directly support the argument you are making.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be more focused on the task. Clearly outline your opinion in the introduction and succinctly summarize it in the conclusion to leave a strong final impression.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.