IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that free social service should be made compulsory for high school students .do you agree or disagree

#people #service #school #students
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In
this
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 contemporary era, numerous individuals are of the belief that public
services
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such
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 as public transportation
services
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 should be provided free of charge for high schoolers. I completely agree with
this
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 statement because the majority of
students
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 are not able to afford many public
services
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 because they are fully occupied with their studies and cannot work ,
as well as
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,
this
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 will activate a sense of equality among
learners
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. To embark on, a plethora of
learners
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 have hectic schedules;
therefore
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, they do not have adequate time to work and pay for their essentials.
In other words
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, if young individuals enrol in a full-time studying program, they will not have spare hours to engage in a job.
Thus
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, paying a certain amount of money for social
services
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 might put financial burdens on them.
Consequently
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, pupils who come from non-wealthy families may have to walk for long distances, before reaching their schools because commuting means are not affordable for them.
This
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 can be exemplified by an article conducted by a group of Iraqi civil society activists who claimed that about two-thirds of young
learners
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,particularly, those who live in the countryside are not able to afford transportation
services
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; eventually , many of them tend to leave school and cease their educational process. What can be said here is that not only making public
services
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 free of charge will help many families financially, but
also
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 will
perform
Verb problem
play
show examples
 an instrumental role in assisting many youngsters in continuing their learning process.
Furthermore
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, providing pupils with free access to different social
services
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 could activate a sense of equity among them. To illustrate, when pupils from different socioeconomic backgrounds ride the same vehicle , the level of discrimination will significantly decrease.
In addition
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 to that if a learner from a wealthy family comes to his educational institution with the latest car model compared to his peers who might depend on bicycles, the segregation level will sharply upsurge in direct proportion, and those youngsters may become under consistent pressure
due to
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 the inequality among them.
For example
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, in Iraq, many private schools provide free buses for their
students
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 to eradicate the social differences among their
learners
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, after noticing a sharp reduction in the number of
students
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 in classes who were suffering from bullying because of their low social status. In conclusion,
after
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this
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 essay has reiterated the above-mentioned points, I can claim that governments should supply young individuals with free public
services
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such
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 as buses to deliver them because
this
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 will decrease the social differences between
students
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,
as well as
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, help numerous
students
Use synonyms
 financially.
Submitted by Drfatima.Abdullah on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction sets a clear position regarding the topic and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new arguments. Define your stance in the beginning and maintain consistency throughout the essay.
logical structure
Organize the essay so that there is a clear progression of ideas, with each paragraph introducing a new point and linking back to the overall thesis. Improve the transitions between paragraphs for a smoother flow and enhanced logical coherence.
supported main points
Develop main points with a mixture of both general ideas and specific, relevant examples. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that supporting examples are explicitly linked back to the main argument being discussed.
complete response
Ensure that all parts of the task are addressed. The essay should present a balanced argument corresponding to the prompt, with a clear and relevant position throughout. Cover all aspects of the question comprehensively.
clear comprehensive ideas
Present ideas clearly and comprehensively, developing arguments with adequate support. Keep the writing focused and make sure that the relevance of each point to the overall argument is clear.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate specific examples to illustrate and support your points. If you refer to studies or data, make sure they are directly related to the argument at hand and used to effectively bolster the main points of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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