Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Some say
individuals
should accept the situation
they are in, while
others argue that people
should try to better their circumstances. This
essay would argue that although
people
will be less stressed if they do not need to think too much, having a goal make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
people
's lives better.
On the one hand, individuals
will be less exhausted if they do not think about improving their current situation
. This
is because when people
want to change their social circumstances, they need
make Add the particle
need to
effort
, and Correct article usage
an effort
this
causes stress. Then
, by accepting their situation
, people
do not need to worry about their problems. Having a simpler lifestyle makes people
feel more happy and enjoy their life with what they have. Recent research concluded that approximately 31% of homeless people
are happier than successful employees, this
is because they have to work hard every day which make
them feel exhausted, Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
while
homeless people
are more free and their happiness are
easier to satisfy. Change the verb form
is
However
, I believe that people
should try to get out of bad situations because there are problems that can't be solved without money, such
as health problems.
On the other hand
, people
who have a goal, are more probably to have better lives. This
is because knowing the meaning of their lives, they are more motivated. So, individuals
will try hard to improve their situation
, no matter the conditions. Objectives are the reason why people
work hard,
and make Remove the comma
apply
individuals
stronger and more difficult to be defeated by failures. For instance
, in a Chinese TV program in which people
were asked the reason why they were working so hard, most of them said that they wanted to have a better and carefree life and most of them, achieved it. I believe that people
should try their best,
since no one Remove the comma
apply
know
what they can gain from trying.
In conclusion, Change the verb form
knows
although
remaining in their own status allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
people
to be more exhausted, having objectives can improve their living conditions, and I, therefore
believe, that is
better for individuals
to try to improve their situations.Submitted by elenazheng1211 on
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introduction conclusion present
A clear introduction setting the stage for the discussion was missing. It's essential to paraphrase the question effectively and present a thesis statement that outlines the essay's direction.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay could be improved by providing clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. The transition between ideas should be smooth, ensuring that the reader can follow the argument without effort.
supported main points
Main points are supported, but the supporting sentences sometimes do not directly relate back to the main idea of the paragraph. This can be improved by maintaining a consistent focus on the topic sentence throughout the paragraph.
complete response
Although the task is generally achieved, the response does not fully address all aspects of the task. Both views and your opinion should be discussed equally. Make sure your own opinion is clear and well supported.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas presented in the essay are somewhat clear but occasionally lack depth. Consider developing ideas more thoroughly by explaining the rationale behind opinions and expanding on the implications.
relevant specific examples
Relevant examples are present, but some of them lack a direct link to the argument, such as the reference to homeless people and happiness. Examples should be chosen carefully to clearly support the argument being made.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?