IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The primary purpose of public libraries is to provide books, and they should not waste their limited resources and space on providing expensive hi-tech media such as computers, software, videos, and DVDs. To what extent you agree or disagree.

#purpose #libraries #books #waste #resources #space #media #computers #software #videos #dvds
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
 argue that the main aim of
government's
Change noun form
government
show examples
libraries
 is to provide print media
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
information;
therefore
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should refrain from offering the latest scientific tools to prevent
wastefulness
Correct article usage
the wastefulness
show examples
 of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 available resources and area to serve best their customers.
Although
libraries
 are established for educational purposes, providing computer-based materials and terminals
also
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 merits.
This
 essay discusses the above viewpoints and
also
elaborate
Correct subject-verb agreement
elaborates
show examples
 why I think that the modern tools of technology are
also
 important. There are
people
 who think that if
libraries
 preserve
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 infrastructure and costs
then
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can maintain
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 resolute focus
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 edifying the general populace.
For example
, a large
propotional
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 is using their mobile phones to play video games and socialize,
instead
 of enhancing their knowledge,
Correct pronoun usage
which serve
show examples
serve
Correct subject-verb agreement
serves
show examples
 as
an evidence
Remove the article
evidence
a piece of evidence
a shred of evidence
show examples
 that IT gadgets can be disruptive.
Hence
, if appliances like desktops are used in
libraries
, many
people
 will start using them to play internet games and scrolling videos on YouTube; which defeats the purpose of going to
libraries
.
Similarly
, the investment is better
Add the particle
to spend
show examples
spend
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 on increasing the number of new and old books, buying more furniture to
accomdate
Correct your spelling
accommodate
 more ardent readers and welcome new customers. On the hand hand, the significance of adapting
libraries
 to include
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology and state-of-the-art devices cannot be overlooked. First of all, it will be a big blessing for the underprivileged patrons who cannot afford to buy CDs and desktops.
For example
, it will be a massive relief for the
people
 from impoverished nations for whom buying personal computers and video CDs
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 remained out of the reach of their pockets.
As well as
this
, there is a large possibility of
people
start borrowing
Wrong verb form
starting to borrow
show examples
 books to study if they are
also
 mainly coming for entertainment.
This
 is because youngsters and children are often curious to know about the things in their
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
 and
therefore
, might as well take out a book or two from a library that could spark their interest in reading more. In conclusion, I agree that the primary purpose of education for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
libraries
 cannot be compromised.
However
, the technological tools should be incorporated to make them accessible
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
needy
people
 and
also
 to encourage our youth and children to develop reading habits.
Therefore
, in
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 government should try to budget for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both.
Submitted by rohit.narad90 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. Providing a clear thesis statement will strengthen your position.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using a wider range of conjunctions and discourse markers to improve the flow of your essay. Overusing certain connectors can make your writing seem repetitive.
task achievement
Support your main points with more detailed examples. Specific examples that are directly relevant to the topic will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs have clear central topics and that all sentences within them support that topic. Avoid adding information that may divert attention from the main point.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: