Some people believe that television is a powerful educational tool. Other people believe that television is nothing more than mindless entertainment and should be discouraged. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Television
could become an effective tool to educate the people
who watch it. While
some other people
think that television
is only for leisure activities. I hold the view that television
is one of the most powerful educational tools
because it can reach the audience from urban to rural places and the content of the shows are under surveillance from the governments
. This
essay will explain the reasons why we need television
as our educational tools
.
Fix the agreement mistake
tool
Television
use
old but effective transmitting method. Their broadcasting can reach people
that live both in city
and remote Add an article
the city
area
. In Fix the agreement mistake
areas
this
way, those who have limited resources of educational tools
can use
the television
as their primary educational tools
. Fix the agreement mistake
tool
Moreover
, unlike online platform learning that need
gadgets and Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
internet
connection, we can Add an article
an internet
use
television
only with antenna
to receive the broadcasting and it is completely free. Add an article
an antenna
the antenna
For instance
, Indonesia is a country that consist
of almost 1.700 islands. With the Change the verb form
consists
limit
Replace the word
limited
of
resources, Change preposition
apply
government
can Add an article
the government
use
television
as one method to educate children in all of
Change preposition
apply
part
of the country.
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
Furthermore
, governments
always filtering
what will be broadcasted through the Wrong verb form
filter
television
to ensure that only the appropriated
content will be received by the watchers. Replace the word
appropriate
In other words
, we can ensure that educational program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
in
Change preposition
on
television
will surely have a
minimal Correct article usage
apply
criterion
that have been assessed by the Fix the agreement mistake
criteria
governments
.
Some people
think that television
is just for entertainment purposes. However
, I think it could be a powerful educational tool as it can reach the
Correct article usage
apply
people
from around the countries
, and provide a good educational program that Fix the agreement mistake
country
have
been assessed by the Change the verb form
has
governments
.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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introduction conclusion present
Your essay successfully introduces the topic and provides a conclusion, but the introduction could be more specific about your stance, and the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the key points more effectively. To improve, consider a more engaging hook in the introduction and a concise restatement of your position in the conclusion.
supported main points
The main points of the essay are clear but could be better supported with more varied and detailed examples. To improve, expand your arguments with specific, concrete examples that demonstrate the educational benefits of television.
complete response
The essay presents a response that addresses the task but it lacks a full development of ideas, and it needs to touch upon the counter-arguments more comprehensively to fully cover the scope of the prompt. To improve, ensure to also address why some people may see television as mindless entertainment and refute these points to strengthen your argument.
logical structure
Your essay has a logical structure, but the transitions between ideas could be smoother. To improve, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to help the essay to flow more naturally.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are relevant and generally clear, but they could be developed further for greater clarity and depth. To improve, ensure each paragraph elaborates on one central idea, and explain how this idea supports your overall argument more thoroughly.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes some examples, but they are not specific enough to effectively illustrate the arguments. To improve, include real-world statistics, studies, or historical examples that provide strong evidence for your position.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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