Some educational systems make students study specialised subjects while others require students to study a wide range. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

In
this
day and age, many people still debate about whether children should either learn the
overall
courses
or the specific field at
school
. Despite
this
topic still being a public controversy,
this
essay will explain both of these views, and I believe that the
pupils
who learn a wide range of studies will get more benefits than the
students
who only focus on certain fields of study. Learning a specific field in
school
leads the
students
to be a specialist in the
future
.
This
is because the
pupils
can focus on the
subjects
that they are interested in studying.
For instance
, high
school
students
who choose to deeply learn about economics
courses
will only learn about macroeconomy theories, how government policies have affected society, and the principles of accounting.
As a consequence
, by specializing to study on a certain knowledge, the
pupils
will easily opt for their
future
professions or
career
projections
as well as
being renowned industry experts.
On the other hand
, the
students
who prefer to learn a broad range of
courses
will be exposed to many kinds of fields that have an emphasis on the
students
' flexibility in their
future
career
aspirations.
For example
, people who focus on studying sciences will learn several
courses
related to physics, chemistry, and biology. Being a generalist will improve the
students
' soft skills,
such
as critical thinking and problem-solving. They have the opportunity to grow and learn all the
subjects
and choose their own
career
path. In other ways, the more
subjects
they learn, the bigger opportunity they can reach in the
future
.
To sum up
, the
students
who become a specialist will highly likely become industry experts at an early age.
However
, the
pupils
that learn the comprehensive
subjects
at
school
are significant to the
pupils
' enhancement of their
future
career
determinations.
Submitted by asyifannisakh on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the main ideas are distinct from each other for greater clarity and impact. Your points sometimes overlap, which can diminish the strength of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing skills to improve the logical flow of your essay. This will help in seamlessly guiding the reader through the arguments and points made.
task achievement
While the response is adequate, to achieve a higher score, strive for more detailed development of your ideas. Fully expand on your points with comprehensive explanations, and stronger support. Use more precise examples to illustrate your ideas.
task achievement
Your essay tends to show generalization in examples, which could be improved by being more specific and detailed to effectively support your arguments. More concrete examples add credibility and depth to your response.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay conclusively addresses all parts of the task with a clear position throughout. While your opinion is present, reinforcing it throughout and in the conclusion can provide a more persuasive and cohesive argument.
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