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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some educational systems make students study specialised subjects while others require students to study a wide range. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

In
this
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 day and age, many people still debate about whether children should either learn the
overall
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courses
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 or the specific field at
school
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. Despite
this
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 topic still being a public controversy,
this
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 essay will explain both of these views, and I believe that the
pupils
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 who learn a wide range of studies will get more benefits than the
students
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 who only focus on certain fields of study. Learning a specific field in
school
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 leads the
students
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 to be a specialist in the
future
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.
This
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 is because the
pupils
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 can focus on the
subjects
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 that they are interested in studying.
For instance
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, high
school
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students
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 who choose to deeply learn about economics
courses
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 will only learn about macroeconomy theories, how government policies have affected society, and the principles of accounting.
As a consequence
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, by specializing to study on a certain knowledge, the
pupils
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 will easily opt for their
future
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 professions or
career
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 projections
as well as
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 being renowned industry experts.
On the other hand
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, the
students
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 who prefer to learn a broad range of
courses
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 will be exposed to many kinds of fields that have an emphasis on the
students
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' flexibility in their
future
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career
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 aspirations.
For example
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, people who focus on studying sciences will learn several
courses
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 related to physics, chemistry, and biology. Being a generalist will improve the
students
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' soft skills,
such
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 as critical thinking and problem-solving. They have the opportunity to grow and learn all the
subjects
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 and choose their own
career
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 path. In other ways, the more
subjects
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 they learn, the bigger opportunity they can reach in the
future
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.
To sum up
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, the
students
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 who become a specialist will highly likely become industry experts at an early age.
However
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, the
pupils
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 that learn the comprehensive
subjects
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 at
school
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 are significant to the
pupils
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' enhancement of their
future
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career
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 determinations.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the main ideas are distinct from each other for greater clarity and impact. Your points sometimes overlap, which can diminish the strength of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing skills to improve the logical flow of your essay. This will help in seamlessly guiding the reader through the arguments and points made.
task achievement
While the response is adequate, to achieve a higher score, strive for more detailed development of your ideas. Fully expand on your points with comprehensive explanations, and stronger support. Use more precise examples to illustrate your ideas.
task achievement
Your essay tends to show generalization in examples, which could be improved by being more specific and detailed to effectively support your arguments. More concrete examples add credibility and depth to your response.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay conclusively addresses all parts of the task with a clear position throughout. While your opinion is present, reinforcing it throughout and in the conclusion can provide a more persuasive and cohesive argument.
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