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Band 4.5

Tourism is causing environmental problems all around the world. What are the main causes of this? What are some solutions?

#tourism #world
In today's world Tourism is one of the major
revenue producing
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revenue-producing
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stream
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streams
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,
although
 it is highly appreciated for bringing in economic growth, research reports that it is the primary cause for affecting the environment.
This
 is a huge global crisis that needs to be addressed urgently . In
this
 essay , I will be citing my theories and some solutions for the issue presented at hand. Tourism
,
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apply
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 attracts many people in specific hotspots
due to
 which moving
population
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populations
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 from different countries across the world are seen, they come
along with
 a high amount of 'carbon footprint'.
This
 produces large amounts of
green house
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greenhouse
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 gasses which
changes
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change
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 the atmosphere's air by penetrating into the layers.
For example
, Bali being one of the most visited
place
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places
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, has a surging footprint with
it's
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its
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 wave of tourists coming in
every where
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everywhere
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. I believe,
bringing in
Verb problem
that
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 strict laws to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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carbon must be introduced by local governments, where policies are made and diligently followed.
Secondly
,
along with
 the human count rise in tourist areas , there is the danger of exploitation. Whenever
,
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apply
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 we encounter any new entertainment service, it is followed by by floras and faunas being endangered.
This
 is to make hotels, parks, malls, shops and other fun-filled activities for the vacationers.
For example
, when I visited Bali numerous areas were cut down and destroyed to build markets, pubs and eateries.
Although
,
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apply
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they were extremely inviting to engage in , it came with a heavy cost.
However
, if local communities, petitioned and
striked
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struck
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 against
such
 atrocities towards the system
then
 improvements
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 be witnessed. Taking all the points
in
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into
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 account, I conclude that if we involve central and state governing parties which implement regulatory bodies,
then
 tourism can be carried on without harming any natural habitats.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents ideas in a somewhat logical flow, however, the progression of ideas could be enhanced by clearly outlining them in the introduction, and effectively signaling transitions between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are important for framing your argument, yet they require improvement. The conclusion should not introduce new ideas; instead, it should effectively summarize and restate the position taken in the body of the essay.
coherence cohesion
While the essay provided some supported points, further development with more specific examples and explanations would strengthen the arguments. Each point should be clearly related to the thesis and thoroughly elaborated.
task achievement
The response addresses the task only partially, without fully developing all parts of the prompt. The essay needs to address the causes and the solutions with equal depth and detailed insight to meet the requirements of the task effectively.
task achievement
The essay contains clear ideas, but to enhance task achievement, ensure that ideas are fully developed and comprehensive, covering all aspects of the prompt in a balanced manner. Avoid general statements in favor of specific, insightful discussions.
task achievement
Relevant examples are included but could be more specific and detailed. Examples should be used not only to illustrate a point but also to deepen the analysis and show a clear understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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