IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past, lectures were used as a way of teaching large numbers of student, but now with the development of technology for education, many people think there is no justification for attending lectures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people argue that
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 development in i nformation technology has made the lecturers at schools
redundatory
Correct your spelling
redundant
 and it makes no sense to attend classroom lectures.
Although
Linking Words
 I believe that cutting-edge tools provide convenience, the natural limitations of the technology
ensures
Change the verb form
ensure
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 that
teachers
Use synonyms
 will still co-exist with machines in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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future classrooms. The factor that really
favors
Change the spelling
favours
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 learning from hi-tech tools is that it
save
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saves
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 a lot of effort and time
of
Change preposition
for
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 a learner. First of all, electronic-oriented teaching methodology is inexpensive as it is a
one time
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one-time
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 investment and
save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
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 a lot of money for institutes who
then
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 don't need to pay salaries to their faculty.
This
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cost saving
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cost-saving
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 feature will
also
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 reduce the tuition fees,
due to
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 lower operational costs.
For example
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, if
salaries
Correct article usage
the salaries
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 of
teachers
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is
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are
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 responsible for 30% cost of school fees, replacing
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 of them with computers will significantly drop the tuition fees.
Moreover
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, it will
also
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 save
previous
Correct your spelling
precious
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 moments for disciples who face longer commute to their institutes.
For example
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, by not having to travel 2 hours
everyday
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every day
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 to an educational institution, a person can reclaim 10 hours a week that can be
used
Verb problem
apply
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used for studying or recreational purposes.
On the other hand
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, it will be difficult to completely displace the
teachers
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 because machine learning is an unnatural process. The significance of
teachers
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 can be estimated by the fact that they often change their pedagogical approach based
upon
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on
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 the direct or
indirec
Correct your spelling
indirect
 feedback received from the class. To illustrate, many tutors often ask questions and judge the
overall
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 interest of the
students
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 through their gestures and body
languages
Fix the agreement mistake
language
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. I believe that
this
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 lack of emotional intelligence and experience is far beyond the capability of any machine; which
as a result
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,
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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teachers
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 important specifically related to subjects that
demands
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demand
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 more attention , engagement and focus
of
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from
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students
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. In conclusion,
while
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state-of-the art
Add a hyphen
state-of-the-art
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 modern tools will spare additional time and comfort
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
students
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, the conspicuous innate limitations of contemporary technology will make
teachers
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 necessary to keep
students
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 interested and motivated in their pursuit of
edification
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are distinct and clear, as this will provide a clear roadmap for your essay. This essay lacks a clear conclusion which impacts the score negatively.
logical structure
Work on developing a logical structure to your essay by planning paragraphs with topic sentences that lead the argument, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence to tie the paragraph together.
supported main points
Support main points with more pointed and effective examples or evidence, and ensure that these examples are fully explained and relevant to the topic.
complete response
Give a complete response to the task by addressing all parts of the prompt. Make sure to directly address the question of the extent to which you agree or disagree throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Avoid ambiguities and provide full explanations of your points.
relevant specific examples
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Make sure the examples are directly related to the point being made and expand on them in detail.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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