In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
There is an argument from some
part
of Fix the agreement mistake
parts
Correct article usage
the worlds
worlds
that to achieve what they want and need, they have to work hard on it. In my opinion, Fix the agreement mistake
world
this
can gives
kids some encouragement to reach their own dreams and they are dedicating most of their Change the verb form
give
time
to it. However
, from the statement, I believe some of them can be stressed since they do not have time
to playing
and they would Replace the word
play
be think
it’s a mess if they had a failure.
Change the verb form
think
To begin
with, that sentence will be motivate
young people in kind of reach their Change the verb form
motivate
desire
Fix the agreement mistake
desires
that
Correct word choice
and
also
brought
them to spend most of their Wrong verb form
bring
time
build
their future. It Change the form of the verb
building
is
all happens because when the Unnecessary verb
apply
children
are told to try hard, they think the better they spend their time
in case of studying or anything positives
, the more they can achieve. Fix the agreement mistake
positive
As for
illustrate Change preposition
To
this
, a journal in 2017 from Gadjah Mada University, Yogyakarta, Indonesia, gave the state about the percentage of 4th grade who are given motivates
words by their parents and Wrong verb form
motivated
who
are not. The shocking revelation is that 67% of young age Correct determiner usage
those who
who their
parents always told Correct pronoun usage
whose
to
study hard passed all of the Correct pronoun usage
them to
test
with minimum B grades; Change to a plural noun
tests
however
, the
33% of the other pupils Correct article usage
apply
have
to Wrong verb form
had
remedials
at least Correct your spelling
remedial
remedies
on
five subjects.
Despite Change preposition
apply
this
, there also
negative points when children
were told about that
messages Correct determiner usage
those
such
as the miserable they thought since cannot
live a normal life, which always Verb problem
they did not
trap
their Wrong verb form
trapped
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
on
the room to read a book and Change preposition
in
also
when they were got the
bad results, they will likely blame themselves for that. When Correct article usage
apply
children
in
the Add a missing verb
are in
ages
of playing with their friends, they will prevent it because they misinterpreted the message Fix the agreement mistake
age
to
not playing together and it is hard for young people to handle their emotions when they Change preposition
of
found
a sense of Wrong verb form
find
declined
. Change the form of the verb
decline
For instance
, mental health magazines in Java, Indonesia, post on their social media about 45% of pupils did not believe in some of
motivational words since every Change preposition
apply
time
they learn, the more lack of success they have. A lot of them also
suffers from mental health problems, thanks to always pushing themselves to be at top
; Add an article
the top
however
, never pay attention to their body.
In conclusion, even though giving children
that message could motivate them to always build themselves to be better and also
value their time
to do positive activities, so that they can achieve everything the
Correct your spelling
they
wanted
, they have to be aware Wrong verb form
want
Change preposition
of
about
the side effects Change preposition
of
such
as kids will likely stressed
about their lifeChange the verb form
stress
be stressed
,
since have a less Remove the comma
apply
time
to playing with their buddies and also
blamed themselves for the bad things that came up.Submitted by heyyo
on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence to establish the main point, with subsequent sentences providing evidence or examples that directly support the point. Maintain focus by linking ideas logically.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. Varied and complex sentence forms can enhance clarity and display a higher proficiency in English.
task achievement
Develop your main points more fully. Each advantage or disadvantage should be explored in more depth with clear examples. Make sure these examples are directly relevant to the point you're trying to make.
task achievement
Your response to the task prompt should be complete, addressing all aspects of the question. Aim for balance in discussing both advantages and disadvantages, providing clear commentary on each point raised.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example