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Band 4.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs ( for example, working for a charity , improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children.

#people #community #service #part #school #programs #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
It is mentioned that some voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 for free should be
compulsory
Add an article
a compulsory
show examples
 part of high
school
 programs. In
this
 essay, I discuss
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 topic.
Then
 I represent my viewpoint.
Firstly
, working for charity or teaching for free as voluntary
work
 is a kind of helping people,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
students
 learn social cooperation through
this
 process.
Students
 practice
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work
 which increases their mental flexibility.
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
 example, voluntary cleaning
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 classes and the halls of the schools is a suitable teamwork activity , because all of the
students
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all of the classes
work
 together.
Secondly
,
communication
Correct article usage
the communication
show examples
skills
 of
students
 increase through unpaid community services
such
 as teaching sports to children or working in charity.
Students
 learn to communicate and
work
 in
real
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the real
show examples
 world which is a significant experiment of
work
, which increases their
skills
.
For example
, by teaching mathematics in
Add an article
the group
a group
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
classmate
Fix the agreement mistake
classmates
show examples
students
 practice more and
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 helping each other for better understanding they get
closer
Add an article
a closer
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with their classmates.
Students
 learn techniques of problem-solving which increases their psychological flexibility.
in addition
, they learn human relationship
skills
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
 learning at
school
.
To conclude
, I agree that unpaid community services should be a compulsory part of high
school
 programs because it is a way to increase
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
skills
 of
students
 and provide a basis for
work
skills
 for them.
In addition
,
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
 flexibility and communication
skills
 of
students
 are improved through these activities. As teaching correct
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is a duty of
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
show examples
 system,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unpaid community services as a compulsory part of high
school
 programs are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
useful tools of
this
 duty.
Submitted by nasringoli.psycolohist on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint on it. As part of your introduction, you need to paraphrase the prompt and present a thesis statement that outlines the main ideas you will discuss in your essay.
Task Achievement
Develop each paragraph with a clear main idea and provide specific examples to support your points. This will help you achieve a more complete response to the task. Make sure that each example directly supports your argument and is sufficiently elaborated upon.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately to help with the flow of ideas. However, do not overuse them, and make sure they are used accurately to help the reader follow your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Write a clear and direct conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion; it should reflect on what has already been said.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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