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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs ( for example, working for a charity , improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children.

#people #community #service #part #school #programs #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
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It is mentioned that some voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 for free should be
compulsory
Add an article
a compulsory
show examples
 part of high
school
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 programs. In
this
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 essay, I discuss
on
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apply
show examples
this
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 topic.
Then
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 I represent my viewpoint.
Firstly
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, working for charity or teaching for free as voluntary
work
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 is a kind of helping people,
which
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and
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students
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 learn social cooperation through
this
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 process.
Students
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 practice
team
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teamwork
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work
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 which increases their mental flexibility.
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for
Capitalize word
For
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 example, voluntary cleaning
the
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of the
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 classes and the halls of the schools is a suitable teamwork activity , because all of the
students
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of
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in
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 all of the classes
work
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 together.
Secondly
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,
communication
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the communication
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skills
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 of
students
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 increase through unpaid community services
such
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 as teaching sports to children or working in charity.
Students
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 learn to communicate and
work
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 in
real
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the real
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 world which is a significant experiment of
work
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, which increases their
skills
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.
For example
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, by teaching mathematics in
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the group
a group
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group
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groups
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for
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to
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classmate
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classmates
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students
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 practice more and
through
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by
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 helping each other for better understanding they get
closer
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a closer
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relationship
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relationships
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 with their classmates.
Students
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 learn techniques of problem-solving which increases their psychological flexibility.
in addition
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, they learn human relationship
skills
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beside
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besides
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 learning at
school
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.
To conclude
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, I agree that unpaid community services should be a compulsory part of high
school
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 programs because it is a way to increase
social
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the social
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skills
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 of
students
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 and provide a basis for
work
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skills
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 for them.
In addition
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,
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
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 flexibility and communication
skills
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 of
students
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 are improved through these activities. As teaching correct
behavior
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behaviour
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 is a duty of
educational
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the educational
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 system,
the
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apply
show examples
unpaid community services as a compulsory part of high
school
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 programs are considered
as
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apply
show examples
useful tools of
this
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 duty.
Submitted by nasringoli.psycolohist on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint on it. As part of your introduction, you need to paraphrase the prompt and present a thesis statement that outlines the main ideas you will discuss in your essay.
Task Achievement
Develop each paragraph with a clear main idea and provide specific examples to support your points. This will help you achieve a more complete response to the task. Make sure that each example directly supports your argument and is sufficiently elaborated upon.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately to help with the flow of ideas. However, do not overuse them, and make sure they are used accurately to help the reader follow your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Write a clear and direct conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion; it should reflect on what has already been said.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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